Sudden Departures, Sudden Returns
by Alwayssg1
Summary: After Endgame, Steve left a very much alive Natasha to go back to Peggy in the past. It was a mistake. He wants to make things right, but it just mght be too late.
1. Chapter 1

**Amir-015 and I are almost finished with Steve Roger's and the Great Big Cosmic Do-over. It has been quite a ride. We'll have those last few chapters up as soon as possible, but I decided to go ahead and start my new one while he looks over the current chapter. It should go up this weekend.**

**This new idea has been done, and it's been done really well. I couldn't resist trying it myself and involving some characters from the upcoming Black Widow movie. Here's my take on the Steve goes back to the past leaving a very much alive Natasha in the present only to realize he was wrong trope. **

**I still don't own Marvel or any of their wonderful characters. This is just for fun.**

**February 2024**

Alexi twiddled his thumbs and tried to ignore the news reporters on the evening news. It was exhausting living in America. Why had he even bothered leaving Mother Russia? Every other week, these fluff pieces on the late, great Iron Man or the missing Captain America flooded the broadcasts. Like they managed to defeat Thanos alone! Ha! It was laughable to think they even had a chance without their secret weapon. If they hadn't had Natasha on their side, they never would have succeeded.

Not that his friend wasn't hailed as a hero. She was on that scared list of fallen Avengers for a time, but as soon as she revealed her miraculous return from the Soul World, she was quickly forgotten. It was the way she liked it, of course, but it never stopped rubbing Alexi raw. Natasha was the best of them, yet here she was almost exactly back where she started. Almost being the keyword, she may now be a retired Avenger, but she would never be on her own again, not if he could help it. He loved her as if she were his little sister, so he was here, in a country he once fought against, to offer her his complete support.

She was going to need help. Yelena was with them, of course. The plucky young woman loved Natasha as much as he did. They were a family. The remaining Avengers were in and out as well, but they had their own lives to live.

Alexi looked across the waiting room at Clint. Clint Barton wasn't such a bad fellow in Alexi's mind, even if he had taken Natasha from them for a season. The retired archer was half asleep, probably still tired from his late night flight the night before, and he looked like he could fall out of his chair at any moment. Alexi half hoped he would tumble out just to break up the monotony of the evening. How long had they been waiting? He looked at the clock on the wall and quickly did the math. Nineteen hours! Ridiculous! This was taking far too long.

When Yelena finally poked her head out of the doorway, Alexi nudged Clint. "Must be over," he said, still looking at Yelena, trying to read her face. She wasn't giving him much information with that stoic look she was wearing.

Clint jumped up as soon as Alexi spoke and they joined Yelena just outside the door. "She's fine, tired but who isn't? It's a boy, in case you were wondering. He's fine, too. Ten fingers, ten toes."

"A boy," Alexi said, not even bothering to hide his displeasure. "Why did it have to be a boy? A little Natasha would have been so much easier to love. At least, tell me he doesn't look like his father."

"Red hair and a scrunchy little face," Yelena said, rolling her eyes. "You do realize there was a fifty-fifty chance he would be a boy."

"Still, some warning would have been nice," Alexi grumbled.

"Nat wanted to be surprised," Clint said. "I, for one, think it's great. She'll be a great boy mom."

Alexi didn't comment as Yelena pulled them into the room. He hadn't let himself accept this possible outcome. It seemed so wrong. It was bad enough he was going to have to help raise his nemesis's child without it having to be a boy who would constantly remind him of his father. He tried not to look too closely at the baby in Natasha's arms. He focused on her face. Was she distressed? She didn't look unhappy. That was a good sign.

Clint, on the other hand, went straight to Natasha and kissed her forehead before touching the boy's head full of red hair. He was happy enough for all of them. "Nat, he's perfect. You did good. Just look at this little guy."

Natasha smiled at her friend. "Want to hold him?"

Clint nodded and carefully took the boy from his mother's arms. Yelena took a step closer. "Watch his head. Careful."

"I have done this a few times," Clint said, rolling his eyes at the blonde.

Natasha laughed. "You'll be doing it again in few months. Thank Laura for parting with you for a few days. I'm sure she'd rather have you at home."

"Laura's just upset she can't be here herself. If the doctor hadn't put her on bedrest for the rest of her pregnancy, she'd be the one holding this little guy. There's nothing she wouldn't do for you. You know that, right?"

Natasha smiled and reached a hand out to put a pacifier in her son's mouth. He was expressing his displeasure at being moved from his mother's arms. "The feeling's mutual."

"You already proved that. Look at us. A year ago, we were a couple of messes. Those two," Clint said, nodding towards Alexi and Yelena, "were dust. My family was gone. Now, you've got a son. I have another daughter on the way. Everyone's home because of you."

"Not everyone," Natasha said softly, and there it was, what Alexi didn't want to see. The pain was in her eyes again. Some hero Captain America turned out to be! His son had entered the world, but he'd never even know. He was a selfish fool.

Alexi knew what he had to do. He couldn't clobber the man who brought Natasha pain, but he could alleviate some of it now. "Barton, hand over the boy. It's time his favorite uncle holds him." Clint put the baby in Alexi's hands. "You are definitely your mother's son. Look at you," he cooed, "the good Russian Gene's are stronger than those puny American ones. You'll do just fine. Uncle Alexi will make sure of it. I'll teach you everything you need to know."

The baby didn't fuss much in his arms. He just stared at Alexi. It was like the boy understood what he was trying to tell him. Alexi made a vow in his heart to protect the child and train him to be a real hero like his mother. It was good Steve Rogers wasn't here. Natasha deserved better. She would find a man who understood her worth. In the mean time, she would have her family at her side. No one would ever know this child had the serums of his parents flowing through his veins, at least not until he was old enough to show them what he could do.

Once the tiny bundle was back in Natasha's arms, Clint broached the question they'd all been wondering about for months. What's his name?"

"James," Natasha said, "James Steven Romanoff."

Clint looked her in the eyes. "You sure you want to give him that middle name? Nobody'd blame you if-"

Natasha cut him off. "I'm sure. I don't blame Steve. How many times do we have to have this conversation? He made a choice. I support my friend's decision."

"Nat, this little guy is proof you and Cap were a lot more than friends, and he still left. You don't have to protect him. Even Bucky-"

"Is completely wrong about what happened. I know," Natasha said, giving Clint a hard look. "It's not like we were lovers, not really. He had the chance to be with the love of his life. I told him he should take it. He did. End of story. Do I wish he had made another choice? Yes, I wish he was standing here right now holding our son, but he isn't. If he were, he would want to name the baby after Barnes. I'd probably insist on giving him your middle name, Clint, but since he isn't, the least I can do is give him something from his father."

Clint was silent, but Yelena took a different tactic. She plopped down on the bed beside Natasha and gently patted the baby's back. "Sister, aren't you afraid someone will figure out who his father is? There are people who would love to get their hands on him. Very few people know about our enhancements, but the whole world knows about Rogers."

"Look at him, Yelena. He doesn't look much like Steve. Nobody's going to question me naming my son after two Avengers. It'll be fine."

Alexi grimaced. It was such an American name, completely wrong for the little fellow in his estimation, but if this was the way Natasha wanted to deal with her heartbreak, so be it. "His name is his name. No one will know anything, because we won't let them. As for anyone trying to get their hands on James Romanoff, well, let them try. I haven't killed anyone in years. I'm overdue."

Natasha gave him a half smile before yawning. Yelena rushed them out of the room so mother and son could rest. Alexi stopped briefly at the door. His little sister was not fragile. She would get over Steve Rogers, and she would be a wonderful mother.

**Vormir 2012**

**9 Months and 14 Years Earlier**

With a heavy heart, Steve walked up the path leading to the stone altar Clint described. It was time to say his hardest goodbye. He held the soul stone in his right hand as he walked. He hated this stone more than any of the others. It took his friend, his confidant, the one person in this century who was always there when he needed her.

Steve had intentionally held on to this stone as long as he could. Having to give it back meant having to accept that Natasha was really gone. He didn't want to do that, but he'd delayed the inevitable long enough. Once it was delivered, he would return the space stone to 1970 and stay there. Bucky knew his plan. He didn't like it, but he understood. Peggy was there, and there wasn't anything for him here. Sure, his friends were back, but it was a shallow victory in the wake of all they'd lost. He needed a change. He needed to get a life.

Steve wasn't surprised to see the top of the mountain unguarded. The prize the keeper had kept wasn't there any longer. It would have helped to have someone to speak to, but Steve figured his job was simple enough. Throw the stone over the edge and go.

Steve took a deep breath as he held the stone over the cliff. "I'm going to miss you, Nat. This was a crazy plan, but it worked. Thanks to you, a lot of families are holding each other a little tighter tonight. You did good. You finally wiped that red from your ledger. I just hope you found your peace."

He closed his eyes as he tossed the offending object. When he opened them, he was standing in a puddle and his hand was no longer empty. He was holding the hand of his friend. She stared at him, but she didn't remove her hand from his own. "This can't be real. I don't understand. I should be dead."

Steve pulled Natasha into his arms. She sure felt real to him. "I don't understand it either, but let's not stick around long enough to get an explanation."

Natasha looked down at her suit. "I need to make sure everything still works. You being here means we won, right? Tell me it wasn't for nothing."

"We won. Let's go back to the ship. We can talk about it after you're off this planet. I don't want to take any chances. If whatever sent you back decides to change its mind-"

"I'm not sure it works that way, but anywhere but here sounds good to me."

They rushed back to the borrowed ship and took off, setting a course for Earth. Steve answered Natasha's questions as she checked out the device on her wrist. He told her about Thanos's surprise attack and Tony's sacrifice. He told her how they thought they'd never see her again. As he was describing the horrible moment when he learned she was gone, she grabbed his face and pulled it to her own. The kiss was so much more intense than the one they'd shared years earlier. He couldn't stop kissing her. She was here and alive. He couldn't get close enough to her.

Apparently, she was just as intoxicated by their kiss, because they didn't speak again for a long time. Afterwards, he held her in his arms, completely in awe of her beauty. He wondered how this had never happened before, because nothing seemed more right than holding her in his arms. He wasn't the most experienced lover, but he had a feeling he hadn't disappointed her. Part of him wanted to ask, but the other part just wanted to enjoy her presence.

They were still in each other's arms when she finally spoke. "Why do you still have the space stone? You were already in New York. What went wrong?"

Steve looked up at the ceiling. "What didn't? We had a run in with Loki."

"I'm not following. You obviously got it or we couldn't have gotten everyone else back."

"We had to make a detour to 1970. Tony saw his father."

"Oh," Natasha said, suddenly intent on staring at her own spot on the ceiling. "That must have been interesting."

"You could say that. We got what we needed. I saw Peggy."

"In 1970? Did she see you?"

Steve shook his head. "It would have been too risky. I stayed hidden." He paused and gave her a sideways glance. "There was a picture of me on her desk."

"A picture? In 1970, you'd been gone twenty-five years. That has to mean something doesn't it?"

Steve was suddenly uncomfortable. He shouldn't have told Natasha about the picture. They were having a moment, and he said the wrong thing. He really was terrible with women. "I guess."

"You don't guess. You know. That's why you saved it for last. You want to see her again."

Steve couldn't lie to her. Part of him wanted to say it was just a logistical decision, but it was Natasha. She was too smart for that. "I was planning on staying. It was stupid, but Tony's dead. I thought you were gone for good. I figured there wasn't any reason to go home."

"So you were going to go back to Peggy and have the life you should have had."

"It sounds stupid hearing it out loud. I'll be discreet when I return the stone. She won't see me then I'll come back to 2023."

Natasha rolled onto her side. As she did, she also rolled out of Steve's arms. "Why? Because of this? Steve, she's the love of your life. If you want to be with her, you should do it."

"Don't you think this changes things a little bit? I mean, you and I-"

"I didn't know you had a chance to be with Peggy or I never would have kissed you."

Steve sighed. "I knew, and I kissed you back."

"I shouldn't be the reason you don't get what you want," she said, reaching for her clothes. "It wouldn't be fair to you."

He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him. "What if I'm not sure what I want anymore?"

"Then, I guess you better figure it out. When we get to Earth, I'll go back to 2023. You go return the infinity stone. Make your decision. If you want to be with Peggy, stay. If not, meet me on the platform. We'll figure whatever this is out together." She pulled away, looked at him again with a look he wasn't familiar with, then kissed his cheek. "Do what's best for you. If you want to be with her then this was just two friends celebrating life. I'm not going to regret it, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't either. You're important to me, Steve. I need to know we didn't destroy years of friendship in a moment."

"Nat, what we have, what we've built, could never be destroyed. I feel like I failed here."

"That would be regret. Please, don't. Just take a little time and figure out what you want. No pressure either way. I only want you to think about what would make you happy."

Steve looked into her eyes. She was telling the truth. She may not always be honest with everyone, but she didn't lie to him. He'd messed up, and he owed it to her to do as she was asking. "Okay, Nat. I'll think it over."

**Hospital**

**February 2024**

Natasha was glad she was finally alone. Yelena offered to stay, but she really didn't want company. Besides, none of them had rested much. Labor really was aptly named. Bringing James into the world took a lot out of her. From the looks of her sleeping son, it took a lot out of him, too.

Her son, that was new. She liked the thought of it. She was a mother. She thought back to her words to Steve. She'd said she wouldn't regret their night together, and she didn't. That day, she experienced two miracles. Her life was spared, and, against all odds, her son was conceived. She couldn't ask for more, no matter how much she wanted to at times.

It was reckless. She should never have kissed Steve. Oh, she'd wanted more from their friendship for years, but she was determined not to go after it. He deserved so much more than an assassin by his side. Besides, when she asked him who he wanted her to be all those years ago, he said a friend. She figured if he ever changed his mind, he'd let her know.

Maybe it was the euphoria of realizing she was alive and they'd brought back the victims of the Snap. Maybe it was the grief of Tony's death and thoughts of Pepper and Morgan having to go on without him. Maybe it was the realization that just maybe she'd finally done enough good to make up for all that bad. Whatever made her throw caution to the wind and go for it, she wasn't sorry. Not really. She couldn't be sorry when she gained so much.

She did have one regret, and it was the one thing she couldn't control. She knew Steve well enough to know he thought about his decision long and hard, and he chose Peggy. He couldn't have known they'd made a life that night-a child he would never know. Part of her wanted to hate him for going, but she didn't have the right. She told him to do what was best for him. He did. Now, she just needed to figure out how to stop loving him. That was the tricky part, because she was pretty sure she'd loved him for a really long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Somebody pointed out Second Chances was the title of one of the others using this particular trope. It is my favorite of these, but I have read a few others on Archive of Our Own. Since I couldn't think of the names of the others, I opted not to name any. I think you'll find this one quite a bit different, but no malice was intended. Feel free to skip it if that's your preference. I'm posting this one early so the story's direction will be nice snd clear.**

**That's the thing about tropes. It's tricky keeping them original enough to stand on their own. I won't start one until my take feels fresh. You can go back to **_**Deep in the Soul**_** and see that it came out a few weeks post Endgame and took things in a different direction from others written at the same time. That was very intentional. I think this chapter narrows things quite a bit and flushes out the direction pretty clearly. The next few are also complete. I've been working on this story during the in-between time while waiting to see what changes Amir-015 wanted to make to our story together. Working with a partner has been a great experience. It has allowed for some necessary downtime when starting the next chapter needed to be on hold and given me time to flush out major plot ponts. Figured I have enough done to post concurrently until the end of the other story now. **

**Earth 2012**

Steve reached into his case and pulled out a fresh vial of the Pym particles. He wasn't sure what he could say to make things better. He wasn't even completely sure he should say anything at all. He'd messed this up. Natasha was his best friend. Instead of saying the wrong thing, he opted to just get down to business. "I was thinking it might be a good idea if we trade out your particles. After everything that happened, let's not take any chances."

Natasha took the vial and popped it in. "Probably a smart move. Everything looks good, but I'd hate to end up a baby or an old man." She smiled, but it quickly faded into a frown. "Tony won't be there to fix it."

Steve pulled her into a hug and held her for a minute. She didn't pull away too quickly. He was grateful. It felt right to hold her, more right than anything else he'd ever experienced. That's when he knew he was coming back to her. As they pulled apart, he touched her cheek. "I'll see you in a minute."

Natasha bit her lip. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I wouldn't dare. I'm coming back to you." He leaned down and kissed her. She didn't resist. "I know what it feels like to live without Peggy. I know what it's like to lose you. Only one of those scenarios works for me. I'm sorry I didn't see it a few hours ago. I will see you in a minute."

She pulled him into another kiss. "You're sure? Completely sure, because this is your chance, Steve. No hard feelings, no regrets."

"I'm sure. I want to be with you."

Steve shrunk the ship. Natasha popped it into her pocket as Steve put her Pym particles into the case. They counted off and pressed the buttons on their wrists in complete synchronization, they way they did everything in battle. A split second later, the started to dematerialize.

**The Platform, Tony's Lakehouse 2023**

Natasha was still smiling when she landed on the makeshift platform near Tony's lake house. She was home. She was alive. Steve chose her. They'd deal with the aftermath of Thanos's destruction together.

Bruce was the first to comment, well, it wasn't so much a comment as a bone crushing hug. "You're alive," he repeated over and over. "I can't believe it. We thought it couldn't be undone. I tried so hard to bring you back. How did he do it?"

"I don't have any answers, but I'm not going to be alive much longer if you don't stop squeezing me," Natasha said. Her voice was muffled by Bruce's chest, but he must have heard her. He let her go, but she barely had time to catch her breath before Sam and Bucky gave bear hugs of their own.

She looked around. Steve hadn't rematerialized. He should be here by now. Bucky was looking around, too. Their eyes locked as they realized the truth. Steve wasn't coming. "I guess I thought he might change his mind with you here," Bucky said, "but Steve told me something before he left."

Natasha tried to hide her disappointment. "I know. He told me, too. He actually said a few things. I guess he decided to do it." The words felt like bile in her mouth. It was Sokovia all over again, but this time it wasn't Bruce who'd left. She couldn't blame a big green monster who wouldn't let the man she wanted have a choice. It was Steve, and he finally did the one thing she never thought he'd do. He lied.

"I'm confused," Sam said. "Somebody enlighten me."

Natasha set her jaw and made the words come out of her mouth. "Steve stayed in the past, Sam. He saw a chance to be with Peggy, and he took it. He's not coming back."

**1970**

Steve was a man on a mission. One stone to return then he was going home. He felt almost guilty for the happiness he was feeling. It almost felt like a disservice to Tony's memory, but he figured Tony would forgive him. As he tried to stay inconspicuous, he thought about all the years he and Natasha had spent together. It suddenly made sense. They'd danced around this for years. Tony saw it. He commented on it a few times on visits to the Compound before the Avengers fell apart. Steve dismissed it every time. A few days before the time heist was the last time Tony had said anything. Steve shrugged it off and repeated what he had said so many times before. "A man and a woman can be just friends."

Tony's retort had seemed silly at the time, but it didn't seem so out of place now. "Oh, I'm not denying that, Cap, but if you guys are just friends, Pepper's just my assistant. Friends don't look after each other the way you do. They don't constantly search each other out in every room. They don't become fugitives just to protect each other. You're so much more than friends."

Tony was right. Steve knew it. He loved her. He just needed to get this "minute" over with as quickly as possible and go back to her. It didn't take long to return the space stone. He only ran into one guard, and the guard was a kid who obviously had no idea what he was doing. The gullible young man completely bought Steve's story without so much as a follow-up question.

As soon as the stone was in its place, Steve grabbed a fresh batch of Pym particles from his case, put it in, and hit the button. He didn't need to see Peggy. He knew his place.

**Brooklyn, January 1, 2028**

Natasha walked through the door of her Brooklyn apartment with her overnight bag on her shoulder. "Alexi, James, I'm home," she called out.

Alexi still looked half asleep as he walked into the room. "Shh, your son is sleeping."

"It's after ten," Natasha said. "How late did you let him stay up?"

"It was New Year's Eve. He wanted to watch the ball drop. How could I refuse him such a small request?"

"He's four. He can't even tell time yet. Why didn't you just show him a ball drop on YouTube and put him to bed?"

Alexi scratched his head. "I didn't think of that." He sat on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. The bunny slippers James had insisted on getting his uncle for Christmas were on his feet. "It's your fault really. You should have told me about YouTube."

Natasha casually removed Alexi's feet from her coffee table as she walked towards the kitchen counter. The open floor plan of her Brownstone apartment had been a real selling point. They moved in when James was two, and being able to keep an eye on him at all times was extremely important. He was a ball of energy. The dueling super serums in his blood may have had something to do with it, but Alexi didn't seem to think so. He said Natasha was always the most energetic child in the Red Room. He should know. He was one of the trainers. It was possible he was right, but Natasha had been around enough children to know that being able to keep your eyes on a child was worth the extra price.

Not that money was much of an issue. With Happy now handling security at the new Avengers' Compound, a place that stayed vacant most of the time now that the current crop of Avengers were starting families of their own, Pepper relied on Natasha as head of security for Stark industries. The pay was good, and it was a relatively safe way to use her skill set.

Natasha started a pot of coffee. She didn't need another cup, but Alexi looked like he could use one. She was grateful he was always willing to stay with James when she had to be away for a day or two. Alexi got up off the couch and moved to a barstool closer to where she was working. He was staring at her. "What?" she asked. "Do I have something between my teeth?"

"Not between your teeth, but your face does look different," Alexi said, staring at her with a scrutinizing look. "Oh, I see it now. Your smiling."

"I smile."

Alexi shook his head. "You smile for James. This is a different kind of smile. I don't think I've ever seen it on your face before." He pulled out his phone and clumsily typed into the search bar. Natasha just watched as he held up a picture. "Saw this first thing this morning. You made the news. 'Former Avenger Natasha Romanoff Steps Out With New Beau'. When were you going to mention this new beau? I need to have a conversation with him."

Natasha rolled her eyes as she grabbed the phone from Alexi's hand. "How did the press get this picture? It was a closed event."

"That's the problem with freedom of the press. They are always present, nosing around, looking for the story. In Russia-"

"Yeah, yeah," Natasha said, "you could always go back."

Alexi raised his eyebrows. "Like you could ever do this without me. We're getting off track. Who's the shmuck?"

Natasha poured Alexi a cup of coffee and sat on the other barstool. "He's not a shmuck. He's a very nice man. His name is Matt, and he's an attorney. Pepper has dealings with him on a regular basis."

"So, it was a work thing and you're smiling like this?"

Natasha smirked. "I didn't say that."

Alexi took a sip of his coffee then spit it out. "Hot, scalding hot."

Natasha laughed. "Your Russian. You can take it."

Once Alexi recovered, he looked Natasha in the eyes. "What do you know about this attorney? Is he worth your time? You haven't exactly put yourself on the market much in the past few years."

"Market? Really, Alexi, I'm not a piece of fruit. Matt is a nice man, and I enjoy spending time with him. We're keeping things casual. I don't want to bring a string of men in and out of James's life, so keep this to yourself. If it becomes something, I'll let you know."

"So I can cross examine him?"

"So you can meet him," Natasha said. "I think I really like him. Matt has a unique understanding of who I am. That's something rare outside of our circle. He doesn't treat me like some kind of assassin or a superhero. He just treats me like a woman. It's nice."

"You are a superhero."

Natasha shook her head. "Not anymore. I'm a mother. James is my top priority, but it's kind of nice to be a woman once in awhile, too." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Alexi just groaned and took a drink of his coffee. If he planned to say anything else, he didn't get the chance, because James came barreling into the room and straight into his mother's arms. "Mommy, you're back!"

Natasha placed a kiss on her son's forehead and took a whiff of his hair. She loved this little boy more than life itself. He was her reason for getting up everyday. "Good morning, Jitterbug. Did you miss me?"

James nodded. "You were gone forever."

"It was two days, James. I would never stay gone forever. Go get my bag. There's a present for you."

James ran to her bag and carried it to the bar. Natasha opened the front pocket and pulled out a package of trading cards. "Aunt Pepper had these special made. They're for the five year anniversary of the Blip. We'll be giving these out at the celebration. Do you remember what the Blip was?"

"It's the day everyone came back. What's on the cards?"

"Open them and see." Natasha watched as he son carefully opened the foil wrapper and looked at the cards inside. "There's one for every Avenger."

"Even you?"

"Even me."

James started pulling the cards out one by one and naming each Avenger. "Uncle Scott, Uncle Tony, Uncle Clint," he said, stopping to point at Clint's hair. "He looked goofy."

"Yes, he did," Natasha said. "Keep going."

"There's you, Mommy." The boy pointed at her picture before moving on to the next card. "Uncle Sam, Uncle Bucky, Uncle Steve, there's a bunch of cards."

James still had the picture of Steve in his hand. It didn't sting so much looking at it now, but James calling his father uncle cut to the quick a bit. She couldn't tell him the truth. He was too young and too honest to keep the secret, but it hurt lying to her son. What was it she used to tell Steve? The truth isn't all things to all people? "You like the cards?"

James nodded. "Yours is best. I like the red and yellow hair. This one's good, too," he said, holding up the Steve card. "Captain America is Ben's favorite hero. Can I take it to school and show it to him?"

"Sure. I know your preschool teacher would think these would make a great Show and Tell. We'll wait until Thursday. That's the day you can bring things in, right?"

James nodded. "I can't wait."

Natasha looked at Alexi. He was grimacing over the idea of James showing off the cards. They'd decided hiding James completely from the public eye was the wrong move. Everyone at James's school knew he was Natasha's son. Alexi insisted on being James's personal security guard. He sat in the back of the classroom everyday. The kids adored him. Natasha teased him often about being the perfect nanny, but Alexi only scoffed at her comments a little bit. He loved looking after James.

"Let's get you some breakfast. You can tell me all about the ball drop while I cook, okay?"

James happily rattled on about his adventures with Alexi as Natasha cooked. This was the best part of any day. She loved it when James was feeling extra talkative. She loved her life. It wasn't the one she would have chosen, but it was pretty fantastic.

As she watched her son ramble on, she really looked at his face. He looked more like his father everyday. Instead of this realization causing her pain, it filled Natasha with pride. Steve might be gone, but she would always have a part of him with her. Her best friend gave her a gift. That's the way she intended to look at things. Sure, she had once felt something more, but it was obviously nothing. How would girl who was raised not to love know what love was anyway? She'd been mistaken. She couldn't have loved Steve. She just thought she did. It was fine that he realized they were just friends before she did. So, what if she was just now coming to the same conclusion? At least, she got there.

**Tony's Lake House**

Snow? Why was there snow on the ground? Steve looked around. The platform was gone. What was going on? Where was everyone? Something wasn't right. He needed to find Natasha. He needed to figure out what was happening.

He took off in a dead run for the lake house. It was deserted. This couldn't be happening. He tried accessing the cabin with his voice. Friday acknowledged him and the door unlocked. The place was decorated almost exactly like he remembered, but not quite. The sofa was the same, but there were new throw pillows on the couch. Above the mantle was the familiar picture of Tony, Pepper, and Morgan, but there were other photos on the wall and mantle that put a pit in Steve's stomach.

Steve picked one up. It was Morgan in the picture. That much he knew, but she looked older-a lot older. She was on a horse, holding the reigns with one hand while her other hand was wrapped around the waist of a little red-headed boy he'd never seen before. How much time did he miss? "Friday, can you tell me today's date?"

"It is January 1st, Captain."

"What year, Friday?"

"2028. The other Avengers will be pleased to know you are safe. They believed you would not be returning. Shall I inform Master Parker of your arrival?"

Steve felt his knees grow weak. Something had gone terribly wrong. He lost nearly five years. He needed answers. Finally, he managed to open his mouth. "Peter Parker?"

"Yes, Captain. He is the leader of the Avengers. It is my job to keep him informed of all anomalies. I'll inform him now."

"Hold on that for a moment, Friday. I need to get my bearings. Can you give me Natasha's location? I think I need to talk to her before I face everyone else." She was going to think he abandoned her. How could this have happened? How did a minute turn into nearly five years?

"Ms. Romanoff is at her home in Brooklyn, New York. She no longer uses coms, but I can give you her phone number and address, Captain Rogers, or I can dial her number directly."

"Let's not call her. I think I better see her in person. That address would be very helpful, Friday. Thank you." Steve grabbed a pen and piece of scrap paper and quickly wrote down the address. "Any chance there are clothes laying around that might fit? And, I'm going to need a car."

"I'm sure Ms. Potts would not mind you wearing something of the boss's. You can take one of the cars. It is good to have you back, Captain."

"Sorry I'm so late." Steve opened the device on his wrist. It was fried. That's when it hit him. He'd been such a fool. One dumb move had cost him a lot of time. He opened the container carrying the Pym particles to confirm his theory. He did a quick assessment. Damn it. He must have grabbed the one he'd removed from Natasha's in his rush to get back to her.

He thought he was doing the right thing, but he'd been wrong. He never should have let her out of his sight again after he got her back. So what if not returning the space time had created some kind of alternate timeline?. The only one that mattered to him was this one, and he blew it.

Quickly going into the closet, Steve pulled out the first shirt he could find. It was Tony's Black Sabbath t-shirt. He quickly put it on along with a pair of jeans that didn't fit quite right then rushed back into the living room to grab the car keys. Only as an afterthought, Steve found himself sitting in front of Tony's, well, Pepper's computer doing a google search on the woman he loved. He needed to know how she'd fared in the years they were apart.

His heart stopped when he saw the most recent news article. There she was in a gorgeous, backless red dress dancing New Year's Eve away in the arms of another man. Oh God, he was too late. Of course, she'd moved on. She was a beautiful woman who thought he left her for someone else. Why would she wait for him? He picked up the broken wrist band and threw it against the wall. They messed with the universe. It messed back over and over again. What a mess!


	3. Chapter 3

Natasha slipped into her bedroom when she saw Matt's name pop up on her phone. She plopped on the bed as she accepted his call. "Hi, there, handsome."

Matt laughed into the line. "Handsome, huh? Good to know. I was afraid I was a troll. Mirrors and I have never really gotten along."

"Seriously, you're opening with a blind joke. Somebody's in a playful mood."

"I'd be in an even more playful mood if you hadn't had to leave this morning. I miss you already. I haven't even left the bed. I'm afraid if I move too much, I'll lose your scent on my pillow. It's intoxicating, by the way."

Natasha smiled to herself thinking about the night before. It was good to feel desirable again. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so treasured. Well, she could, but she didn't want to think about that night with Steve, flying through the stars with no idea her world was about to come collapsing in on her. This was nice. It was better. Easier. "You and your amazing senses. Way to make a girl feel special."

"You are special. Not every guy gets to say his girlfriend saved the universe."

"Girlfriend? What happened to keeping it casual?" Natasha asked, surprised bit not completely displeased by the sudden shift.

"Well, I mean, look, you've seen the news. The world thinks we make a good couple. I think we've proven we have more than a passing attraction to each other. Maybe we should just go with it." He paused only for a second. She wasn't sure if he was waiting for her to speak or just taking a breath. She was almost relieved when it was the latter. "I want more than stolen moments, Nat. Let me be part of your life. I want to get to know James, hang out with you on the couch, and listen while you describe what's happening in cheesy rom-coms. What do you say? Ready to take things up a level?"

"I think I need to think about it. It's not that I'm not really enjoying our time together, but I need to think about James."

Natasha could hear Matt letting out a deep breath. She knew her answer wasn't the one he wanted to hear. She thought about the stolen weekends and the Stark Industry business trips Matt accompanied her on when he wasn't busy with a case or his little side project. Yeah, he understood what fighting for justice really meant, and she didn't mind his vigilante streak one bit. She'd been a vigilante herself when it was necessary. It certainly didn't make him anything less than good boyfriend material in her book.

Then, there was James. He would be four next month. Sure, his enhancements made him above average on intelligence charts, but he was so young. The few conversations she had with him about his dad were pretty basic. He was a friend. Things didn't work out. His father was too far away, so she got to be mommy and daddy, and it was her favorite job ever.

It's not like he needed another father figure in his life anyway. He had plenty, but weren't kids supposed to learn how to have healthy relationships from their parents? In James' case, that was just her. Maybe, if they didn't make to a big deal out of things, she could give Matt what he wanted without seriously scarring her son in the process.

"I'll tell you what," she said, "we'll compromise. You can meet James this weekend. We'll go to dinner and maybe take a carriage ride in the park. No PDAs, no sleepover, but we'll see how he reacts then we can up that notch if you really think it's the right call."

"That's all I'm asking for. You won't regret it."

Natasha heard her doorbell ring. "Matt, someone's at the door. I've got to go."

Natasha was walking down the stairs when she heard a commotion near the door. "I got it, I got it," James yelled.

Alexi's booming voice followed. "No, James, I'll answer-"

She heard the door open. "You!" Alexi shouted. Natasha heard Alexi growl as something very loud hit the floor. She rushed down the last few steps and looked straight into the eyes of her son.

His lip was quivering. "Mommy, Uncle Alexi just punched Uncle Steve."

Natasha looked down at the floor in complete and utter shock. There he was, her old partner and friend, trying to stand up while rubbing his face. "Steve?"

"Hi, Nat. Guess maybe I should have called after all," he said, but his eyes weren't on her. They were on James.

Natasha went straight into damage control mode. Nearly four years of trying to protect her son from seeing any kind of violence was out the window, and that wasn't even her biggest problem. Just as she was finally getting her life in a good place, Steve Rogers was back. "Alexi, go get some frozen vegetables out of the freezer. James, go turn on a movie in your room. Mommy will be up in a few minutes. Steve, barstool. No bleeding on my furniture, and, is that Tony's shirt?"

Steve nodded and complied. Alexi just stood there for a moment, but he must have decided not to challenge the look on Natasha's face, because he finally headed towards the freezer, throwing Steve a hand towel from the counter as he passed.

Only James seemed insistent on disregarding Natasha's orders. "But, Mommy, we have to call Uncle Peter. The Avengers need to know we found Uncle Steve." His hands were on his hips. "They aren't going to be happy at Uncle Alexi. Why did you punch Captain America?"

Alexi pulled out some veggies and tossed them at the still silent Steve. "Peas," he said, "we don't like those anyway." Alexi looked across the room at James. "I'm the Red Guardian. It's what I do."

"Red Guardian?" Steve asked, obviously still trying to piece together exactly what had just transpired.

"The Red Guardian," Alexi repeated. "You must have heard about me. I'm you, only Russian, and better in every way. Surely, you read about me in the history books."

Steve just shook his head and placed the peas over his eye while dabbing the blood from his nose. Alexi shook his head.

"Alexi, take James to his room," Natasha said.

"But-" the boy began, but Natasha just shook raised her hand and put up one finger, followed closely by a second.

Alexi blew out a breath and collected the boy. Natasha didn't say anything else until she heard the door close behind them. "Why are you here, Steve?"

"I came to see you. I didn't want anyone to know I was back before you did," he said. "Guess I'm a little late to the party."

"You could say that. Why'd you come back?"

Steve let out a deep breath. "I told you I would."

"You said you'd see me in a minute," she said softly, "a lot of minutes have passed. What happened with Peggy?"

"Nothing. I didn't even see her. I didn't try. I just returned the stone and came back." He pulled the wrist device from his pocket. "Something went wrong."

Natasha took the device and examined it. Her heart was pounding. This could not be real. "Looks pretty beat up. That happen on re-entry?"

Steve shook his head. "After." He took it back from her, lightly touching her palm as he moved. Natasha felt that familiar feeling she always felt when he was close. It was confusing and thrilling and so wrong. "I used the wrong Pym particles. I should have chunked the ones that were in your suit. Something must have happened to them while you were-"

"Dead?" she supplied, causing his face to contort. "Damn."

"Yeah," he said. "James? I saw a picture of him at Tony's. How old is he?"

She looked him in the eyes and shook her head. This was too hard. "Don't pretend you haven't already pieced it together. This is hard enough without you making me say it."

"Damn," he said, blowing out a breath.

This time it was her turn to agree. "Yeah."

"He doesn't know," Steve said. "He called me Uncle Steve."

"It's bad enough he has one ex-Avenger for a parent. Having two wasn't a smart option. He's enhanced. Bruce confirmed it multiple times. The kid's never been sick a day in his life. He's bright. He can already open a pickle jar without any real effort. That skill comes in handy. He's too strong for his own good sometimes."

Steve didn't say anything for a minute. He was taking it all in. They both were in their own way. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I should have been here for you and James."

Natasha pursed her lips together. She should be relieved. He chose her, just like she hoped he would, but relief wasn't the feeling she was experiencing. She was just sad. One bad batch of Pym particles cost them their chance. James could have had his father. "I believe you."

"Thank God," he said, finally looking her in the eyes. "What do we do now?"

Natasha looked at the offending wrist band. Peter could probably fix it and give Steve a second chance. He could go back and meet her like he was supposed to, but it would still only be an off-shoot of the timeline. Her James would still never have his father. She picked up the band and tossed it in the trash. "We'll just have to figure this out. James has a right to know his dad. No more messing with the past."

"That's the last thing I want to do. I shouldn't have gone back. If I would have stuck with you-"

"Past, not helpful. We're still friends, right? That's what we were, and that's what James is going to need to get through this bombshell."

Steve frowned. "Polite way of saying it's too late? I remember watching this conversation play out between you and Bruce." He took a moment before continuing. "I saw the picture on line. You've met someone."

The pain in his eyes was almost more than she could stand. "I've moved on. It's been almost five years, Steve."

"Right, five years beats seventy I guess." He ran his free hand through his hair and looked away. "If friends is what we were then it's what we'll have to be, I guess. Just do me a favor."

"Anything."

"Remember, for me, it's only been twenty-four hours since I last kissed you. I get that you moved on, but I'm going to need time."

Natasha wanted to cry. If the universe had just brought Steve back three months earlier, before she met Matt, this could be such a different reunion. She was finally over Steve, mostly, and now he was home, but Matt didn't deserve any of this either. It was just bad luck. "Why don't I call Sam? You could stay with him a few days. There's no reason to rush into talking to James, and you look like you could use a friend. He doesn't live far from here. His wife is a nurse, and Sam's gone back to counseling. They could help."

"I do need a place to stay, but I really want to get to know my son. He needs to know his father didn't abandon him, Nat. Do you think he'll forgive me?"

Natasha gave Steve a puzzled look. "Sam?"

"No, James. I failed him pretty good."

Natasha didn't know what to say exactly, but she did know James. He was a loving kid, like his father in so many ways. "I think James will take the truth with a grain of salt and accept things for what they are. Alexi might be a different story."

"Who is that guy anyway?"

"He's family. I better go talk to him. Are you going to be okay here?"

Steve adjusted the bag of peas back over his eye. "I'll manage."

* * *

Steve could hear the muffled voices of Natasha and Alexi from downstairs. He didn't bother trying to make out their words. He'd learned more today than he ever wanted to know. He was a father. One moment of passion with Natasha and suddenly there was this person who didn't exist before, and Steve had missed every single moment of his life.

Natasha was obviously a good mom. She diffused the messy situation at the door with the same level of skill his ma always used. He was lucky, he guessed. Natasha believed him. She didn't seem mad, just disappointed. Unfortunately, time hadn't been so kind to their spark. He hated being the recipient of her Bruce speech. The way she measured her words to let him down easy only made him want her more, but she wasn't wrong. James needed them to be united. They needed to move past the 'what could have been' and into the reality sooner rather than later.

Steve was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize he was being watched until James was standing in front of him with a pack of cards. "What's this?" he asked

James pulled one from the pack and put it in front of him. "This is you, Uncle Steve. Mommy gave it to me this morning."

Steve held up the card and squinted at it with his good eye. It was a good picture. He remembered Natasha taking it the morning they left on the time heist. What was that? A week ago for him? "Your mom took this picture."

"She takes a lot of pictures. Uncle Alexi says she takes to many. I'm sorry he hit you. It wasn't nice. I told him to say sorry, but I don't think he'll listen. Maybe Mommy will make him do it." The boy handed Steve a pen. "Can you sign my card?"

Steve took the pen and used the moment to really look at his son. He recognized the shape of his nose as his own. It matched his father's, too. Steve, having grown up without his dad, was always proud to have his old man's nose. He wondered if James would feel the same way. "What do you want me to write?"

"Sign it Captain America. I don't think Ben believes your other name is Uncle Steve. He might think I'm lying when I tell him you're back. Where were you?"

Steve tried to focus on signing the card. He wasn't sure where to start without Natasha in the room. "What do you know about the time heist?"

"The Avengers went back and collected all the infin-ably stones from way before and brought them back."

"Infinity stones," Steve said.

"That's what I said. You took them where they came from, but you didn't come back. You got lost."

Steve nodded. "I guess I kind of did. My time machine broke. It was supposed to bring me back to when I started from, but it brought me back to today instead. I didn't mean to get lost."

James patted him on the back. "It's okay. Nobody means to get lost. I got lost once on the farm."

"Yeah? What happened?"

"Maddie and I went exploring in the woods after Turkey Day dinner. Uncle Clint said not to, but we didn't listen."

Steve nodded his head. He was going to have to ask who Maddie was later. Apparently, she was important if she knew about the farm. "What happened?"

"Uncle Clint came and got us then Aunt Laura made us stay inside the whole rest of the day. It was a punishment. Are you going to get punished, too?"

Steve took the bag of peas off his eye and set it on the counter. "It cost me something I want very much."

"Punished," James said, "no fun. Want me to ask Mommy to make the Avengers take it back? They shouldn't punish you for a broken time machine."

"That's okay, James. They aren't the ones punishing me. Nobody is exactly. Sometimes things just happen and you can't fix them. Do you understand?"

"Understand what?" Natasha asked as she re-entered the room.

"Uncle Steve said he didn't mean to get lost. Did you know he just got back today? That's why he wasn't here. Uncle Alexi was wrong upstairs when he called him a selfish son-of-"

"James, do not finish that sentence," Natasha said. "I'll have to have a little talk with Uncle Alexi about good words and bad words later. For now, he probably just needs to stew in his room. I see you got Steve to sign your card."

"Yeah, I just got to get everybody else now. Mommy, since Uncle Steve came back, do you think Uncle Tony will, too? Morgan would be real happy to have her daddy."

Natasha put an arm around her son. "Uncle Tony wasn't missing the same way. He can't come back. I'm sorry, Jitterbug."

James looked down at his feet. "It's okay, I guess. She's like me." James looked up at Steve. "My daddy is gone, too. Mommy says he's too far away to come see me. It's like dead, but not exactly. That's what you said, right Mommy?"

Steve and Natasha exchanged a look. He didn't dare breath until she spoke. "James, do you miss having a dad?"

James put his arms around his mom. "I'm sorry, Mommy. Uncle Bucky said not to say daddy to you. He said it makes you to sad." The boy paused. "He used that other word about my daddy, the one Uncle Alexi used, but don't tell him I told on him. I don't think he knows it's a bad word."

Steve felt completely defeated. Even Bucky blamed him for not being there for James. This day just kept getting worse. He watched Natasha smooth their son's ruffled red hair. "You're growing up too fast thanks to those uncles of yours. Your dad wasn't whatever they told you he was, and Uncle Bucky didn't mean what he said." She paused and looked at Steve. "Uncle Bucky was just sad his friend wasn't around anymore. He loves your dad. Your dad was is friend, just like he was mine, and, apparently, he got lost. He didn't mean to not be here."

"Lost? Like Uncle Steve?"

Natasha turned James to face Steve. "Go ahead, partner. Introduce yourself properly."

Steve stood up and took the two steps to where they were standing. He knelt down beside James. "James, I'm sorry I was so late. There's no where I would have rather been these last few years. You know that, right?"

"I know. It's okay, Uncle Steve."

"See, that's the thing. I'm not your uncle, James. I'm your dad."

"For real?" the boy asked, looking up to his mother for confirmation.

She scooped him up into her arms. "For real. I didn't tell you, because there are people who would try to hurt you if they knew your dad was Captain America. Those people are still out there. This has to be our secret, James. Only family can know the truth."

"I won't tell anyone I have a daddy now." He turned and put his tiny arm around Steve, drawing him into their embrace.

It was completely overwhelming being so close to Natasha, knowing she wouldn't be his to love, but it was good, too. Steve wrapped his arms around them and just let himself enjoy having them in his arms. He might not ever get it again.

* * *

Having Steve's arms around her was almost more than she could handle. Natasha knew she was in dangerous territory, but her son deserved this one moment. Maybe they all did. One brief glimpse of what was stolen wasn't such a terrible crime, or it shouldn't be anyway. She didn't pull away until Matt's face came into her mind. She was taken. She'd just practically agreed to be Matt's girlfriend less than an hour ago. This was wrong.

As she put James on the ground, she looked at Steve's face. It was still there. He was looking at her the way he looked at her just before they did their last time jump together. She needed to get a grip. Maybe Steve did have feelings for her, but she was over her crush on her partner. Too much time had passed. She was in Matt's arms not eight hours earlier for goodness sake.

Matt was what she needed. It was easy and fun and there was no baggage to unpack. Steve was a risk she couldn't afford, especially now that James finally had his father. It was time to regroup.

"I'm going to go call Sam. I'll tell him to give you guys another hour or so then he can come lead the way to his place. That work?"

"Depends. Does Sam think I'm a son-"

Natasha gave him a cross look. "Really, Steve, I think I've got enough to worry about in the language department from the uncles. You know Bucky was just upset, right? He thought you'd change your mind about staying in the past since the Soul stone gave me back."

"Sorry, I know. He wasn't wrong. I wanted to come back. It's just been a long day," he said, "probably the longest day of my life. You're right. Talking to Sam might help."

Natasha nodded. She hated this so much. He looked like a lost puppy. That was something she could relate to all to well. As she left Steve and James at the kitchen table where James was setting up Candyland and merrily explaining the rules, Natasha thought back to her own first days without Steve.

After a few days with Clint and the family, Natasha had taken an old passport out of the stash she kept hidden in the barn and took off to Russia under an alias. She needed to see Alexi and Yelena before the world learned she wasn't quite as dearly departed as the news reported. Yelena threw her arms around Natasha as soon as she walked into the apartment. It was a far cry from their last encounter in that same apartment, but they'd found their rhythm again while she was on the run. Broken family ties had been restored. She'd missed them since Thanos snapped his fingers.

She was still hiding out in Russia licking her wounds when she found out she was going to be a mother. It was supposed to be impossible. She needed her sister more in that moment than she ever could have imagined. Now, Steve needed his brothers in arms. Getting him Sam would be easy. Bucky, well, that was going to take a bit of work and involve a phone call to Fury. She had a feeling she was about to make a lot of calls, but Steve was back. Nothing else mattered.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam turned on the light in the guest room and ushered Steve inside. "Sorry Joanne isn't here. The hospital doesn't take holidays. She gets off at 7, so I'll introduce you in the morning. You'll like her. She's a real charmer and she can put up with me."

Steve tried to smile. "I'm sure she's great."

"Yeah, she's pretty special. I'm sorry things went down this way. You should know, we all did our best to help out with James. Natasha's done a good job. I know she's happy to have you back."

Steve wasn't sure how to respond. He knew Natasha was relieved to see him again, but happy wasn't exactly the word he would have chosen. "She's going to let me be with James."

Sam nodded. "Look, I'm just going to come right out and ask, because I have to work in the morning, and I don't have time to pry it out of you, so what happened?"

"I told you. A malfunction of-"

"No, no, not that. I get that. Bad luck and terrible timing, pardon the pun. Pretty much story of your life, and mine, since I met you. What happened tonight with Nat? Why are you here?"

Steve sat down on the bed and looked at his borrowed shoes. "I was too late. She said she's moved on."

Sam leaned against the wall and stared at the ceiling. "Well, this is awkward. I'm sorry, Cap. I'm also a little surprised. You sure she said those exact words?"

"I wouldn't be here if she'd said anything else. I love her, Sam. Looks like I was late for another date. I'm getting real tired of always missing my chances."

* * *

Once James was finally in bed, Natasha sat on her couch and let herself cry. She hadn't given herself the right to cry when she thought he was with Peggy. As much as it hurt, it seemed poetic in its own way. Steve got his happy ending. She got hers in James. It was enough. She never put up with anyone saying anything bad about him, not even after the others found out she was carrying his child. She couldn't blame him. She came on to him, not the other way around. This was her fault.

Knowing he was happy in the past was something she could live with, but he wasn't in the past. He chose her. Everything she thought was true was a lie. If it weren't for one bad batch of Pym particles, he would have been at her side. How was she supposed to process this? How was he? It just wasn't fair.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there in the dark before Alexi entered the room. She dabbed her eyes and sat up a little straighter, hoping he wouldn't turn on the light. He didn't. He just sighed as he took a seat beside her. "Did he leave because I punched him?"

Natasha shook her head. "I sent him to Sam's. He needs someone to help talk him through all the thoughts going through his head."

"So, you believe his story?" Alexi asked. There wasn't any of his usual gruffness in his voice, just concern. "Of course you do. I believe it, too. I'll apologize for hitting him."

"Thank you. He wants to be around for James," she said.

"I won't stand in the way. Perhaps it's time I let this rivalry go. I'll try to be more American."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "You couldn't if you tried."

"I can do a lot of things. Being American is easy. John Wayne, pizza, Die Hard. See, I know how to do this? There's nothing I wouldn't do for my favorite sister."

"I think you've proven I'm your favorite more times than I can count, but thank you. I don't know how to do this, Alexi."

"What? Be happy?" Alexi asked, reaching over to turn on a lamp. "That's obvious. If you knew how to be happy, you wouldn't be sitting here slobbering. You'd be upstairs making love. He should be here, not with Sam. I will ask again, why did he leave his woman alone after learning he missed the last five years?" Alexi was frowning. "And, I will answer my own question. Because she is stubborn and doesn't know what's good for her. Natasha, Russia is far superior to America in almost every way. We are stronger, more intelligent. Our patriotism knows no bounds, but we have one flaw, just one. Stubborn women!"

"Hey, watch it. You're supposed to be on my side, remember? The father of my child just turned up on my doorstep."

Alexi nodded. "Exactly! The father of your child just came back into your life after not abandoning you in the first place, and you are not in his arms." He flung his arms up over his head and gestured wildly. "Stubborn woman, what is going through your mind?"

"It's too late," she whispered. "I've moved on."

"What? Mister Casual, Attorney-at-law? You haven't moved on. You just found a warm body to ease the pain. You love the other one."

Natasha closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "I've always tried to be more than what they made. More than just a trained killer, more than soulless monster, and I think I've become more. Really, I do, but there's always this voice in the back of my head reminding me love is for children. I thought I'd beat it down a few times, but I didn't."

"Yet, you did. You love James. You love your friends. You even love me, and I am grumpy." Natasha opened her mouth to argue, but he put his hand up to shush her. "I am. It's okay to acknowledge it."

"I'm not talking about that kind of love, and you know it. Do you realize I've never had a real romantic relationship? I wanted one with Bruce. He left. I wanted one with Steve. He left, or at least it felt like it to me. This this with Matt is probably the closest I've ever had. He doesn't love me. He just really enjoys being with me, and I enjoy being with him, too. It's never going to be serious, not really, but it is nice to have something normal. James needs me to be normal."

Alexi laughed. Natasha glared at him. "You and your obsession with normal! Ever since you retired, you've been so desperate to be normal. Normal people don't fly off to alien planets and jump off cliffs. You're never going to be normal. James isn't even normal, no matter how hard you try to pretend. He has a gift flowing through his veins, yet you won't even show him how to use it properly."

"He can be normal if we give him a chance. I didn't have a choice. Steve really didn't either. The asthma was debilitating. Taking the serum was the only way he could do what everyone else did so easily. He wanted to fight Nazis. He didn't know what it was going to cost." Natasha fidgeted in her seat. She hated having to explain herself. "Steve, God, Steve almost got to have a normal life. He had the chance to go back. He gave up it up for me, and I moved on. He's my best friend, Alexi, and I stole his chance at normal. That's not love. If I loved him, I wouldn't have moved on, right? Pepper didn't."

"Pepper's husband died. You thought your lover left you for another woman. Of course you moved on. I would have preferred you do it sooner myself, but I was angry. Moving on is not the same as getting over. Getting over is not the same as never loving. Stop thinking like a Widow, and start thinking like Natasha."

Natasha wasn't sure where her Widow training ended and where she began. Even after so many years of doing the right thing, she never knew. How do you separate yourself from years of training? She tried so hard. Sometimes she thought she had it under control, but every time something went wrong in her personal life, she just shut down another compartment of her heart.

When Bruce left, she felt unlovable. She betrayed him, because she needed the Hulk. She deserved to hurt, so she did for awhile then one day, she decided not to hurt anymore. It was that simple.

When Steve left, she felt the same way. Only this time, it hurt longer. The longer it hurt, the more she wanted it to stop. When it stopped hurting so much, it was over in her mind. To her, it meant she must not have loved him in the first place, but what if Alexi was right?

"Do you really think I would have gotten over him if I really loved him?" she asked. "If it was real, wouldn't I know?"

"Most women would know, but you are not most women. You are like a child when it comes to matters of the heart. I should know. I loved a Widow myself, remember? You're as foolish as Melena, but she loved me, too, you know."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. If Melena loved Alexi, she had a funny way of showing it. He would have done anything for her, and she let him then she double-crossed him over and over again for years. "I know you want to believe that."

"I believe it, because it's true. On the bridge, the night she died, that bullet wasn't meant for her. It was for me. She jumped in front of me. I held her as she bled out before my eyes and she told me." Alexi dabbed at his own eyes. "She never gave us a chance in life, but she loved me until she died. The Iron Maiden didn't have an iron heart. What is your heart made of, Natasha?"

When she didn't answer, he took Natasha's hand and squeezed it. "I'll tell you how this is going to go. You're going to push him away. You're going to destroy his heart and your own then this poor lawyer is going to get his heart broken, too. We'll end up sitting on this couch again, you'll be crying, telling me exactly what you're telling me now." He raised the pitch of his voice and tried to sound feminine. "You'll blabber just like a little girl, 'I just can't love, Alexi. I don't know how.' I'll wipe your tears, and say I told you so."

"But-"

"No buts. It will happen, because you're stubborn." Alexi stoop up and went to the bar. He grabbed a bottle of vodka and filled two shot glasses, "or you can just skip the heartbreak and admit you're wrong. Go to him, Natasha. Make me the most miserable Russian super soldier on the planet. Make me walk you down the aisle and give you to Captain America."

Alexi downed his shot and the one Natasha assumed was for her before walking towards the stairs. He turned to face her. "No vodka for you. You don't deserve it. Besides, you shouldn't drink and drive."

"I'm not going anywhere."

He gave her a knowing look. "Aren't you?" Without giving her time to respond, he walked up the stairs and entered his bedroom.

Natasha only stayed in her place for another minute, before getting up and grabbing her keys and heading for the front door. "What the hell am I doing?"

She didn't expect a response, so she was startled when she heard Alexi's booming voice. "Following your heart. Now get going before you talk yourself out of it or I come to my senses and stop you myself."

* * *

Steve was physically and emotionally spent by the time he and Sam finished catching up, but he couldn't sleep. He guessed technically he hadn't slept since the short nap he took on the flight to Vormir. How had he loved and lost so much in a day? It was surreal.

He was fluffing his pillow for what felt like the hundredth time when he heard the knocking. He looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. His started to ignore it. It was Sam's house. Sam could deal with it, but Sam was sleeping. He was wide awake. He might as well make himself useful.

He wasn't prepared for the vision in front of him when he opened the door. Natasha was just standing there. Her eyes were puffy like she'd been crying. Snow was falling, but she wasn't even wearing a coat. She had to be freezing. He slid aside to let her enter, but he didn't say a word. Neither did she. She just paced back and forth in Sam's living room like she didn't have any more of an idea as to why she was here than he did.

He watched her for pace several times before she stopped and faced him. "We said no regrets," she whispered.

"We did," he agreed.

"I don't regret it. I really don't. It gave me James." She paused and took a deep breath. "I didn't kiss you just because we won. It wasn't a celebration of life between two friends. I just said that so you wouldn't feel guilty about going back to Peggy." Steve nodded. She wasn't saying anything he didn't already know. "I don't know when my feelings for you started. Maybe it was in D.C. in some sort of twisted way. Maybe it was later after Bruce left, just before the Accords. They were definitely there before the Accords, but I never acted on them. I thought you deserved better."

Steve wanted to take her in his arms, but he wasn't sure she would let him. Instead, he motioned towards the couch. She took his hint and sat down. He sat beside her, careful to give her plenty of room, and took her hand. "Nobody's better than you."

"When I was standing in the water, I thought it was a dream. I never thought I'd see you again, but you were there holding my hand," she said, looking down at where their hands were joined. "I thought maybe I'd finally earned the right to be happy."

"You saved a lot of lives."

"But, I destroyed yours. You were going back to Peggy. If I would have known-"

"I'm glad you didn't."

She looked up at him. There were fresh tears on her face. "Really? Because you should hate me. If you had just stayed with Peggy, you wouldn't-"

"Have a little redheaded boy named James? I've only known him a few hours, Nat, but I sure wouldn't want to change that. I'm the one who messed up. It was my mistake. I own it. I'll learn to live with it. You had every right to start over. You thought I abandoned you. You don't have to feel guilty for falling in love again, Nat. We were friends before and we'll-"

Before he could finish declaring his promise of friendship, he felt her lips on his. Steve had no idea what triggered the kiss. He pulled back. "I shouldn't have done that," she whispered. "I don't love Matt."

Steve wrapped his arms around her and let out a long breath. "Thank God."

She pulled back slightly, but she didn't completely leave his embrace. "I don't know how to do this, Steve. He's a good person. He shouldn't be caught up in any of this. It isn't fair."

"I know."

You touched his face. "I'm not sure how I feel about you either. I thought I knew, but a lot has happened since you've been gone. Alexi thinks I love you."

He kissed her cheek, letting his lips linger on her skin for just a moment. "I hope he's right, because I know I love you."

"I'm not even sure why I'm here. This is messy. I don't do messy, Steve, not anymore. James doesn't need messy."

"We don't have to figure everything out right now. We said we'd figure this out when I got back. I'm just sorry it took so long to get here. It's been a really hard day."

She pulled herself out of his arms. "You should be sleeping. We'll talk about this later. I'll let myself out."

Before she could stand, Steve grabbed her hand. "Can you stay with me? Just for tonight. I don't want to wake up in the morning and think I dreamed this."

She nodded and let him lead her to Sam's guest room. As they crawled into bed, he put his arm around her and she scooted in closer to him. She didn't speak, but he could feel her fresh tears on his neck. He placed a kiss on the top of her head. "We'll be okay, Nat. Whatever happens, we'll be okay."

* * *

Wilson Fisk looked at the image on the screen. Of all the women in the world Murdock could get involved with, he had to choose this one. The infamous Black Widow! She was supposed to be retired, but Wilson now knew better. If this woman was on Murdock's arm, she was a risk to his empire.

It should have been a lucky break. Since his henchmen discovered Daredevil's identity, they'd been searching for the right weakness. Any other woman would have made the perfect target, but this one was too well-connected, too powerful even without her fellow do-gooders. He couldn't take her out directly.

Fisk pulled up more images. He looked at each one carefully before moving to the next. Finally, he found his target. She had a son.


	5. Chapter 5

Natasha felt Steve watching her before she opened her eyes. Even after years of civilian life, she hadn't completely lost her edge. "It's got to be early. You should be sleeping," she said, turning to face him. "I'm sure you haven't really rested since before the time heist. How long ago was that for you?"

Steve looked up at the ceiling. "I'm not completely sure. A week, give or take a day. We reversed the Snap after everyone got back." He paused. "Well, almost everyone. You were missed."

"I've heard. Thor tells the story every time he visits. I think he embellishes it a little more each time, but I got the gist. Thanos attacked right after. I know you, Steve. You didn't rest long. The mission wasn't over."

"No, I guess I didn't. I was grieving. We had to get through the memorial services. Yours was at the farm. Clint insisted on keeping it small. Said that's what you'd want."

"He wasn't wrong. I'm guessing you left right after Tony's."

Steve nodded. There was a little light flickering in from the window. It was just enough for Natasha to see the anguish in his eyes. She wanted to make it go away. She wanted to make her own sorrow and confusion disappear, too, but words weren't going to help.

They just lay in silence for awhile. They weren't touching anymore. She wasn't sure which of them moved during the night, but she was grateful. Too much touching right now wouldn't help either of them, but she missed the closeness. Finally Steve reached over and took her hand. "Do you realize when I woke up yesterday morning, you were dead? Then you weren't and everything else happened. Suddenly, I was looking at our four-year old son. I guess it's fair to say I didn't sleep well last night. I know things are difficult, but I'm really glad you stayed with me. I'm trying really hard not to be selfish, Nat. I know you need time, but I need you in whatever way I can have you."

Natasha squeezed his hand. "If anyone's earned the right to be a little selfish, it's you. You don't have to do this alone. I'll be here with you every step of the way. Everyone is going to want to help."

"It will be nice to clear my name. They must have been pretty mad. I guess I'll be lucky if I don't get punched again."

Natasha was about to reassure him he had nothing to worry about from their friend when her phone rang. Oh, God, only one person would be calling her at this hour. She didn't dare reach for her phone. "Don't you think you should get that?" Steve asked. "Maybe it's about James."

Before she could stop him, he reached across her and picked up the phone. He didn't answer, but she knew he saw the name on the screen. It was Matt. "Just let it ring, please. I'll deal with it later," she said. Later would be better. Later, she wouldn't be in bed with another man. Later, she could let him down easy.

Steve put the phone back on the bedside table and sighed. "You don't look surprised. Morning phone calls happen pretty often, I'm guessing."

"I told him how I used to go days without talking to anyone," she said. "You know how it was during those years after the Snap, how I was. I was practically a hermit." She looked at Steve. Even telling him any of this felt like a betrayal. She felt so guilty for sharing the details of her life with another man now that the man she used to rely so heavily on was back.

Intellectually, she knew there was nothing wrong with telling Matt things, but now she hated that she'd ever said anything about those days to anyone else. "Your visits were my only human contact most of the time. When Matt found out, he started calling every morning. It was just his way of making sure I knew I had something to look forward to other than yelling at security guards and discussing Paw Patrol with an almost four year old. James is great. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and Alexi is always hovering. It was just nice to have a conversation every day where the focus wasn't on what I needed to do, you know? It doesn't matter now. I'm going to end it."

Steve let out a long hopeless sigh. "He makes you happy. Maybe you shouldn't end it. Does James like him? I don't want to make things harder on our son or you. We can just raise James like we talked about at your place, as friends."

"James doesn't know about Matt. He was supposed to meet him this weekend. It's not happening. I knew that much the second I saw you on my floor." The image of her son's face as he told her Steve was in her house came to mind. Even before James knew Steve was his father, he idolized Captain America. No matter how many times, her son told her she was his favorite Avenger, she never bought it. He was a Cap fan. "I'm ending it. This is sticky enough. It was just supposed to be fun. I'd never actually been on a real date before. How pathetic is that? I kept pushing you to get out there and meet someone, but I never did it myself."

"I guess you and I kind of skipped that step. I wish I could say I would have given you what he's given you, but I don't think our relationship would have been like that. Are you sure you don't love him?"

Natasha rolled over so that she could pull Steve into her arms. It wasn't a passionate embrace. It was just a way to comfort him, and, maybe, herself. "I wouldn't have wanted what I had with Matt with you. I wanted so much more with you. Do you think we would have made it?"

He kissed her temple. "Not a doubt in my mind."

They were still holding each other when Sam walked in to the room. He had one hand covering his eyes when he entered. "Safe to open my eyes? I don't want to face the widow's bites for witnessing an intimate moment."

Natasha rolled back to her side of the bed. "You can open your eyes, Sam. We were just talking. How'd you know I was here?"

Sam just laughed. "I was on the run with the world's best spy for years. I picked up a thing or two. Besides, that scene in my living room was pretty loud. Morning, Nat. Breakfast is ready. Figured it's been too long since the three of us had a meal. What do you say?"

Both men looked to Natasha for an answer. She nodded. "James is still on Christmas break, so I don't have to get him ready for school. If he wakes up before I get home, Alexi will feed him breakfast. I can stay for a bit. I'm guessing he'll want to see his dad this morning. You coming with me?"

"I'd like that," Steve said, as he threw on Tony's shirt.

"Good. We'll have breakfast with Sam then we'll all go to my place. You can't wear Tony's clothes forever. I have a few things at the house." She wrinkled her nose slightly. She should have sent his things with him last night. Of course, the hoodie and a few of the shirts were in the hamper. She could wash those when they got back. "Everything else from your apartment is in Clint's barn. I wasn't ready to part with them just yet. I kept meaning to do it, but it never happened. Guess that's a good thing."

Sam coughed. "You know, we could be having this conversation over breakfast."

Natasha pursed her lips together. Sam was right. Steve was probably famished. "Go ahead. I just need to let Pepper know why I won't be in today. We'll handle the rest of the phone calls from my place. People are going to want to know you're back."

By the time Natasha got to the table, a familiar scene had unfolded. Steve was sitting in front of a tall stack of pancakes. Sam was working on his own slightly smaller stack, and a plate of Eggs Benedict was waiting for her. "My favorite," she said. "You're too good to me, Sam."

"You just figuring that out?" Sam said in mock annoyance. His tone became more serious as he continued. "Thought you might need some comfort food. I'm going to put on my counselor hat for a few minutes and you need to listen. What you guys are feeling right now is something I've dealt with over and over for the last five years. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful you fixed the universe, but the Blip caused almost as many problems as the Snap."

Natasha glanced over at Steve. He wasn't eating. She could see the surprise on his face. What Sam was saying wasn't exactly news to her. She might not have been in the best place in those days, but she remembered how hard it was for people to readjust. Yesterday, she was too far into her emotions to see the similarities, but Sam was right.

She gave Steve a small smile she hoped would ease his discomfort as Sam continued. "Leaving the hero game seemed smart after you were gone, Cap. Without you around, nobody was shooting at me. I had a freshly signed presidential pardon in my hand, so I went back to the civilian world. Within six months, I was ready to snap on my wings and fly away, but I didn't. People needed professionals to talk to more than they needed superheroes.

"You two are lucky whether you realize it or not. Do you have any idea how many husbands reappeared only to learn their wives were married again? Or how many wives came back to the same predicament? There were babies in a lot of these post-Snap families. Now, those were tough cases. I'm not going to tell you how to handle your personal business. It's not my place. I'm just saying, subtract about five years, and half the population was dealing with this same crisis. It took time. Sometimes emotions got carried away. People got hurt, but they got over it. You will get passed this, too. One way or another, everything will work itself out." Sam picked up his fork and took a bite of his pancake. "Now, eat up. I didn't slave over this breakfast, so you could just stare at it."

* * *

Steve followed Natasha through her front door. This time, instead of being punched, he found himself nearly falling over for another reason. James ran straight at him and wrapped his arms around his legs. "Daddy, you didn't get lost again! Uncle Alexi said Mommy went to get you, but it took forever."

Steve picked the boy up and hugged him. "I'm going to do everything in my power not to get lost again, James."

"Good. Want some cereal?"

Steve shook his head. He looked across the room at the man who'd gone from punching him to pushing Natasha to talk to him. He still wasn't sure what to make of the Red Guardian, but he was grateful Natasha had someone around to help. When Alexi caught him looking his direction, he stood up a little straighter. "I guess I owe you an apology. Hitting first, asking questions later has always been my way. We should but our rivalry behind us for the boy's sake."

Steve tried not to look shocked as Alexi walked up to him and shook his hand. He was really going to have to google the Red Guardian at some point. "You were looking out for Natasha and James. If the shoe was on the other foot, I might have punched you, too. No hard feelings."

James grabbed Steve's cheeks. "What are we going to do today, Daddy? More Candyland?"

Steve was about to agree, but Natasha stepped in. "Maybe in a bit, Jitterbug. First, Daddy needs a shower. He hasn't had one in years."

Steve put the boy down and followed Natasha upstairs. It was odd being in her room. He'd been in her bedrooms plenty of times through the years, but they were always sparsely decorated. She never kept anything sentimental out in the open. This one was different.

Instead of a plain white comforter on a mattress, she had an actual bed frame, a nice one. There was a red comforter on the bed and several throw pillows. It looked homey. Everything was tastefully decorated in a style that seemed very Natasha. It was a weird thing to think about, since he'd never seen a room she personally decorated, but it was her. There were even pictures all over the place. She never left those out in the past. Most were James. He paused at one and ran his fingers over his son's newborn face.

Natasha was opening a drawer in her dresser when he finally stopped staring at his son. She pulled out an old t-shirt of his. He recognized another under it before she closed the drawer and opened the one below it. She pulled out a pair of his sweat pants. She handed them to him and gave him an apologetic smile. "You have a hoodie, too, but it's in the dirty laundry. I'll wash it before you leave. It's cold out there." He just nodded and stood there staring at his clothes. "You can use the shower in my room. I'm just going to make a few phone calls. Everyone will want to see you. One-on-one or as a group?"

Steve didn't respond. His mind was racing. She said she got over him. He definitely didn't imagine those words. Sure, now that he was back, she was confused, but the confusion was a new thing. If she was ever really over him, why was she still wearing his clothes? Why hadn't she gotten rid of the contents of his apartment?

"Steve," Natasha said, placing her hand on his wrist. "One-on-one or do you want to get everyone together?"

"I honestly don't know," he said. He wasn't sure he knew anything anymore. "I'd like to see Bucky first. I kind of owe him that much. Otherwise, you decide."

Natasha looked at him for a moment. It was the look she always had when she was concerned about a team mate's mental health status. He'd had her give it to him enough times to recognize it. She bit her lip. "Sam wasn't wrong. We made a pretty big mess when we brought everyone back. Guess we didn't think things through. I'm not saying we shouldn't have done it. I'm just saying what we are feeling right now, well, our actions caused a whole lot of people to feel the same way."

"Guess this is our payback," he said. "Wonder how many of those others found their way back together. I'm just trying to figure out my odds here."

"Wouldn't mind knowing those odds myself. I'll get Bucky for you. I'll tell the others to wait a bit."

* * *

Natasha sat down on her bed as soon as Steve closed the bathroom door behind him. This was so much harder than it should have been. Her heart felt like it was going to explode. She needed to keep it together. Steve needed her to be strong right now. Her emotional outburst at Sam's didn't help. Trying to just go back to being his friend hadn't exactly done either of them any favors either.

She always tried to be whoever someone needed her to be, but right now, she didn't know who that was. She couldn't just be with Steve the way he wanted. She wouldn't unless she was completely sure. He was too important to her.

She picked up her phone. It was time to call in a favor or two. Fury may still be annoyed she chose retirement over leading the Avengers, but he wouldn't be able to deny Steve Rogers his best friend. She only hoped Bucky was at S.W.O.R.D command and not gallivanting around the universe.

* * *

"Well, do you have what I need?" Fisk asked. "I'm going to assume you wouldn't show up empty handed."

"The kid goes to a private preschool in Brooklyn. School's out until Monday, but we have a problem, Boss," the nervous henchman said. "Romanoff has private security with the boy all the time. He's a Russian, and he ain't no easy target. Name's Alexi Shoshtakov, but, in Russia, they called him the Red Guardian." The henchman paused. "Boss, this guy is Captain America level."

Fisk sat back in his chair. Of course the Black Widow would have tight security around her son. No matter, he would just have to take the security guard out of the equation. The question was, how? "Keep digging, Bruno. Find out everything you can about this Red Guardian. I want his weaknesses, his allies, his enemies. Get me something I can use. The Black Widow needs to be sent a message she won't soon forget. I'll make her wish she never left retirement."

Bruno just stood there. "Boss, are we sure about this? Going after someone like her could really backfire. Maybe we take out Murdock and leave this one alone. I'd still be a pile of dust if she hadn't-"

Fisk slammed his hand down on his desk. "This is how we take out Murdock, you fool. When I'm finished, Dare Devil and everyone working with him will be six feet under. Everyone, even the Black Widow."


	6. Chapter 6

Steve was watching James play with his Avengers action figures. His son really was bright. He told his dad all he knew about the Avengers. Most of his anecdotes were personal stories about his son's "aunts" and "uncles", but Steve didn't mind. From the sound of things, most of his friends had settled down into fairly ordinary lives.

From James, Steve learned Thor was married to Jane. He didn't expect that. Bruce's arm healed. He was working in research and development with the Pyms. He already knew Clint was retired again, but he was a little surprised to see the action figure of his replacement. She was young, according to Natasha, but all of Peter's team were younger than the kid except the new Black Widow.

Yelena's action figure intrigued him a bit. She was a blonde. Her suit and gear were almost identical to Natasha's. It was odd to think about any of them being replaced, yet it happened. Even Wanda was done with the superhero life. He understood. The mental break Natasha described would have done any of them in. He just wished he had been there to help Strange pull her back from the brink. Life had gone on without him, and everyone found their place.

There wasn't much time to talk with Natasha away from James's ears. The boy didn't let Steve out of his sight for a minute, but Natasha was never far away long. She had to spend most of the morning making phone calls, but he didn't have to talk too many people. He knew she was running interference, and he was more than happy to let her.

The doorbell rang a little after four. "He's here," Natasha said, as she rose to follow James to the door. "You ready?"

Steve only nodded. He was as ready as he'd ever be. He stood back a bit as Natasha watched James opened the door. James jumped in Bucky's arms. "Uncle Bucky! You came!"

Bucky whirled James around. "Oh course, I came, kiddo." Bucky put the boy down, walked straight to Steve, and hugged him. "Should have known you'd be back. I never should have doubted you'd choose Nat. It's good to see you, punk."

Steve felt the tension leave his body. He didn't realize how nervous he was about seeing his friend. "It's good to see you, too, Buck. Guess my timing's still not up to par."

Bucky pulled back and sat down. "Yeah, we're going to have to work on that timing of yours. When Natasha said you were home, I couldn't get off that space station fast enough. Had to see this for myself."

Bucky stuck around the rest of the evening. Natasha made stroganoff. Steve knew she could cook. She'd made the occasional meal on the run, but Sam always did the lion's share. Steve found himself mesmerized with how comfortable she looked in her kitchen. Whether she was stirring the food or handing James another juice box, she looked content.

Steve never saw this side of Natasha. She really wasn't the same woman. He didn't mind the changes. This new Natasha was a woman who was comfortable in her own skin. It was like he was seeing the woman behind the carefully applied mask for the first time, and it made him want her even more. She did exactly what he'd told her to do so many years early. She got a life. He was just not around to get it with her.

It wasn't until after supper that Steve got to see James's Paw Patrol obsession in it's full glory. He found it amusing. "Mommy, Uncle Bucky and I need our beers. We got to check on our squad. Daddy, want to drink beer with us?"

Steve gave Natasha a puzzled look. She was already headed to the refrigerator, but she was looking back at him with a small smile. "Root beer and Paw Patrol. This is a thing they do whenever they get together. Prepare for the burping contest. Your son and your best friend are about to get a little crazy."

Alexi shook his head. "My cue to leave. I have no desire to endure another one of those. Enjoy your evening, Rogers, if you like this sort of thing."

Crazy was the word for the rest of the evening. Steve thought he kept up pretty well in the burping contest, and he learned which pup was which pretty quickly. It was actually a kind of nice night. Seeing how good Bucky was with James really touched Steve. His friend treated his son like an equal instead of like a little kid. Steve could tell Natasha enjoyed watching their fun, even though she opted out of the root beer drinking and burping.

Finally, Bucky looked at the clock. "Looks like it's getting close to somebody's bedtime. I better get a move on."

"Do you mind giving me a lift back to Sam's?" Steve asked. "I should probably head out, too."

"You're not staying here?" Bucky asked, frowning slightly. When Steve shook his head, Bucky wiped the frown from his face. "Sam's is where I crash when I'm in town. I guess you and I are roomies."

Natasha hopped up and ran to the laundry room. She came back with his hoodie. "You'll need this. Coming back tomorrow?"

"If it's okay," Steve said, pulling the hoodie on and zipping it.

"It's more than okay. James will be looking for you."

James tugged at Steve's hand. "Why are you wearing Mommy's favorite shirt?"

Before Steve could respond, Natasha answered for him. "It's your dad's. Mommy was just looking after it for him." She looked at Steve and smiled. "Be careful. Don't go out in public. We don't want the press hounding you until the official announcement."

"I won't. Not ready to face them yet," he said. He hugged his son and headed to the door.

They were almost to Sam' before Bucky said anything else, but Steve knew it was coming. "Want to tell me why you're sharing a room with me tonight instead of Nat? Shouldn't you two be pretty inseparable right now?"

"Doubt her boyfriend would agree."

Bucky blew out a breath. "Man, didn't see that coming."

"She says she's going to end it. Doesn't know how she feels about me right now though. I guess I just have to give her some space."

"That's one option," Bucky said, "but I'm not sure it's the best one. You looking to get friend zoned again?"

"I don't know what to do, Buck. I messed this up pretty bad."

"You didn't mess this up. Neither did she. It was bad luck. Why don't you tell me what you know about this new guy? We'll figure out an action plan."

* * *

Natasha got James settled into bed and told Alexi where she was headed. "You coming home tonight?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course, I'll be back. I just need to handle this in person."

Alexi nodded. "What are you going to tell him? Does he know who James's father is?"

Natasha shook her head. "I figure I'll go with something along the lines of 'it's not you, it's me' and leave it at that."

"And, the other one? Have you decided to take your chance on happiness?"

Natasha didn't know how to answer that question. Part of her wanted to say yes, a big part. Spending the day as a family felt so good, but there was still a matter of how she could have moved on if the feelings had been real. "Guess that's still TBD."

Alexi just groaned. "Stubborn woman."

When Natasha got to Matt's, he wasn't home. She let herself in and waited on his couch. By the time he arrived, she'd almost dozed off. He had a fresh bruise on his cheek. "Hope the other guy looks worse," she said. "Rough night?"

Matt smiled at her. "Other guy looks way worse, I think. You know I can't exactly judge that very well. But, I'd say my night is getting better." He moved in for a kiss, but she moved her lips. "Or, is it about to get worse?"

"I thought we should talk."

"If this is about meeting James, we don't have to do it. I wasn't trying to push. I'm fine with keeping things the way they are, really, it's fine."

"This isn't about James, well not just James. Something's come up. It's something I didn't expect." She paused. "I think ending this now will be better for everyone. I've had a lot of fun."

"We could keep having fun. I won't press for more."

Natasha pursed her lips together. "This thing between us was never supposed to go anywhere. We agreed. I think maybe it was so much fun, we forgot for a bit, but with this new development in my life, I can't afford to keep doing what we're doing. I'm sorry, Matt."

"Me too, sorry and a little confused."

"Need me to make you an ice pack before I go?"

Matt shook his head. "I can manage. I'm not really sure what went wrong here, but I'm going to miss you, Nat."

"I'm sorry. I really am. Goodbye Matt. Take care of yourself."

Natasha didn't cry as she left. She didn't even feel like crying. She was almost relieved. With Matt out of the picture, she could figure this out. Alexi wasn't wrong. As confused as she was, Matt would have gotten hurt in the crossfire. She did him a favor. Now, she just needed to make sure Steve and James didn't get hurt while she was figuring out the rest.

* * *

Bruno watched the redhead leave the building. He hated this. She was the real deal, but the boss had his mind made up. He owed the Black Widow his life, but he owed the boss even more.

Before the Snap, he was just a two-bit criminal, but he had a family. He had Cheri, and she was so beautiful. She was a fiery red-head, too, and she always stood by him. He had Tommy, too. Their son was the best thing that ever happened to him.

The Snap took Bruno away, and Cheri met that cop. When the Blip brought Bruno back, Cheri was married to the guy. Tommy called a cop dad. It wasn't right. Cheri couldn't see they belonged together. He didn't know what to do.

He was a mess when he met Mr. Fisk, but the boss saw potential in him. He gave him a job. Bruno wasn't doing small jobs anymore. He was in the big leagues. The boss even arranged for his first kill to be that damn cop. Cheri didn't know he pulled the trigger. The boss took care of all the evidence. It didn't get him Cheri back, but, at least, his son was free of the propaganda his step-dad kept spewing. He even got to see his kid sometimes.

Bruno didn't want the Black Widow to die, but she should have stayed out of the boss's business. He knew where his loyalty lay. If the boss gave the order, he'd pull the trigger. The target didn't matter, but he couldn't help hoping this particular order would just go to somebody else.

* * *

Steve was sitting in the dark. He should go. It was after midnight. What the hell was he thinking listening to Bucky? Why did he drive back to Natasha's? Sure, Alexi let him in. He didn't even look that surprised to see him. Alexi seemed to think Natasha would be back soon. He told Steve he should wait for her before leaving him alone in the living room.

Alexi was wrong. Steve had been waiting over two hours. He didn't have to guess where she was. She was with the other guy. He hated himself for being jealous. He hated her for not choosing him. He needed to leave, but he couldn't make himself do it. If she was staying with Murdock, he wanted to hear it from her.

Steve heard the doorknob turn. This was the moment of truth. God, why didn't he just leave before she got here? The light flipped on. She was staring at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm trying to figure that out myself."

She took off her tennis shoes and walked over to where he sat on the couch. She sat down beside him and just shook her head. "Something brought you back here in the middle of the night. Were you having trouble sleeping? Because that's normal under the circumstances."

Steve shook his head. "I never went to bed. It was Bucky's idea. I told him about your boyfriend. I told him I was giving you space. He thought I was making a mistake."

Natasha made herself more comfortable on the couch. She didn't look surprised, but Steve still felt some lingering anger of his own. She'd been gone a long time-longer than it should have taken to break things off. He figured she changed her mind. Had she left right after he did and spent the last few hours in another man's arms? "Bucky reminded me that you don't just have one boyfriend. Technically, you have two. We didn't break up. Not really. He said I should fight for you."

"So, this is you fighting for me?" She was smirking now. "Interesting. I don't seem to remember you asking me to be your girl, Steve."

Now, he was uncomfortable. She had him on a technicality. "It was kind of implied. I guess the not showing up until years later thing-" He stopped talking. This was a really dumb idea. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I'm going to kill Bucky."

"Bucky may have been a lady's man in the 40's, but he knows nothing about women today. Trust me, I've tried setting him up. He's as hopeless as you were. Don't take his advice about women."

"I'm sorry."

Steve started to stand, but Natasha pulled him back down. "Not so fast, soldier. It's late, and I've already broken up with one boyfriend tonight. I don't have the energy to break up with another."

Steve saw the glimmer in her eye. She was definitely making fun of him, but she did say one thing he wanted to hear. "No more Murdock?" he asked.

"I told you I was going to end it."

"But, you were gone a long time."

She shrugged. "He was working late. I let myself in and waited. Didn't expect company at home."

"For something that's supposed to be casual, most guys don't give out keys. You sure ending it was the right call?"

She rolled her eyes. "I thought you came over here to fight for me, and now, you're trying to talk me out of breaking up with him. It's done, and I'm fine. He's fine, too." She smirked. "Besides, when have I ever needed a key?"

"You're making some really good points. I guess I really don't know anything about anything. I'm sorry for listening to Bucky. I should get going. You've got to be tired."

"We both are," she said, biting her lip. "You should stay. It's late."

Steve nodded. He really didn't want to be anywhere else. He followed her up the stairs. As they walked past James's room, she peeked inside. "He's out cold. I don't let men stay over. I mean there was only Matt, but he knew it wasn't going to happen."

"I can leave."

"Not where I was going with this," she said, pulling him into her room. "I just want you to know I would never bring a string of men through James's life. You can stay. I want you to stay. It'll be good for James to have his dad here for breakfast, but I still need time. You're just sleeping over. Just sleeping. You got it?"

"I don't want to do anything else."

As he climbed into bed, he noticed she'd pulled out a pair of shorts and another one of his shirts. She must have seen his face, because she smirked again. "What? You left me everything in your will. I gave you part of your clothes back."

It was true enough. He had updated his will after the Snap, and she really was the only person he felt like he had left. Now, he was glad he did it. He had a fairly decent amount of money put back. Knowing that money helped her support their son made him feel a little better.

A few hours later, Steve felt a little body climbing up the center of the bed. It startled him at first. "Daddy, you came back."

"I did," Steve said, unsure what else to say. What was his son going to think about finding him in Natasha's bed?

"I peed the bed," James said, as he made himself comfortable between his parents.

Natasha let out a sigh. She was awake. "Did you change your pajamas?"

"Yes, sorry Mommy."

"It's a okay, Jitterbug. Get comfortable. I'll be right back."

James's eyes closed as soon as he had his mother's permission to stay. Steve watched Natasha leave the room. He got up to follow. She was stripping James's bed. "It doesn't happen often. Too many root beers with Uncle Bucky, I guess. Go on back to bed. I just want to get the sheets in the washer."

"I'll help. I mean, I should help, right? I'm his father. I haven't exactly gotten to pull my share of the load."

Natasha pointed to the closet. "Top shelf has extra sheets. You can make his bed."

Steve went to the closet and pulled out the sheets. Natasha put down the soiled linens to help him. It didn't take long. "Do you think I should just sleep in here?" he asked.

"He's already seen you. It didn't seem to phase him. I think we're in the clear. Besides, it's a twin bed, Steve. You wouldn't be comfortable. We told him the truth. It's fine," she said before grabbing the laundry. "Anyway, you're right. You haven't pulled your share of the weight. Not your fault, but it is your turn. Tonight, he can kick you in the back. I'll be there in a minute."

Steve had trouble going back to sleep. He didn't want to roll over and squish his son. He didn't want to take his eyes off of him either. Since James was afraid of the dark, the bathroom light was on, giving Steve the best view. Natasha was sleeping soundly with James tucked into her side. This was what he'd missed. He lost the best years of his life, and there was no way to get them back. He just hoped he could convince Natasha she wasn't over him, because he was firmly convinced the woman beside him in his worn out Yankee's t-shirt, a shirt that was definitely not worn out when he disappeared, was not nearly as over him as she wanted to believe.


	7. Chapter 7

Steve woke up to the sound of James's giggling. He looked over and saw Natasha and their son cuddled up on the other side of the bed conspiring about something. It was the sweetest scene he had ever seen. She didn't look anything like an assassin. She was just a mom-the prettiest mom he'd ever seen.

"Morning, Daddy. Mommy says you can make pancakes, but you're bad at everything else. She said not to let you cook lunch." James had a slight smirk on his face that reminded Steve of Natasha's. "Come cook pancakes. I'm hungry."

"On my way, James," Steve said as the boy took off from the room. He smiled at Natasha. "So, I'm on breakfast duty."

"You did say you haven't done your share," she said, sitting up on the side of the bed. "Thought you might want to spend the morning with your son. I need to go into the office for a bit. Pepper and I need to work out the logistics of your sudden return, and she's stressed enough with the plans for the big celebration. It's still a few months away, but she's taken charge of the Blip celebration/memorial service. We have a statue of the fallen being unveiled in three months, and one of our fallen is back."

Steve frowned. "Sorry?"

"Forgiven," she said. "Believe me, regardless of everything else, I'm glad your name isn't going to be on the list. James has his dad. I have my friend." She paused and smirked. "Oh, wait, what was it you said last night? Boyfriend?"

Steve felt sheepish. He really shouldn't have just shown up like he did. "I was a little desperate. I know you need time. Bucky got in my head, I guess."

"It's okay. I've missed having you in my life," she said. "I can't give you what you want, but you can show up at my door anytime. We'll figure this out, okay?"

Steve smiled. He could live with time. Time wasn't a no. "Okay. Guess I better make pancakes."

"I'll be down in a few minutes. Show your son how it's done, Rogers."

The day with James went really well as far as Steve could see. He even managed to learn more about Alexi. Granted, it took a bit of an internet search, but he understood the so-called rivalry between the Red Guardian and himself. Alexi seemed alright. He was good with James and protective of James and Natasha.

Having Bucky around most of the day was nice, too. He hadn't gotten to spend much time with his friend since the cryogenic sleep Shuri induced. When Bucky needed to head back to S.W.O.R.D. late in the afternoon, it didn't hurt as much as Steve would have expected. His best friend found his place. Steve only hoped he could find his again. He really was a man who had never lived without war. This was going to be a challenge.

By the time Natasha got home, Steve still had no idea what to do next, but he wanted as much time with James as he could get. He loved spending time with the boy. Fatherhood wasn't so bad with a kid as cool as their son. James ran to his mom they same way he ran to him. It felt very natural. Steve found himself struggling again with all he'd missed.

Natasha must have seen the sorrow on his face, because as soon as James took off to his room, she gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. "He looks like he had a good day, Steve. You're doing fine."

"You think so? I just missed so much. I don't want to miss anymore," Steve said, slumping down into the nearest chair. "Thanks for giving me the day with him."

Natasha sat across from him, pulled off her heels, and tucked them under her. "You're his father. You can spend time with him anytime you want. It's good for him. Probably good for you, too. Clint called earlier. He had a proposition."

Steve frowned. "I thought he was retired."

Natasha laughed. "Fully and completely. Even you wouldn't be able to get him to pick up his quiver. He suggested you spend a few weeks on the farm." She paused. Steve knew she was trying to gauge his reaction. "It's just, look, you aren't ready to make your presence known to the world. The farm is a safe place. You could get your bearings."

"But, I'd be away from James," Steve said. He could have added 'and you,' but he held the last part in.

"James is in preschool. Missing a few weeks won't hurt him, and I could go with you. I'd have to come back for a few days next week for a work thing I need to handle personally, but Pepper agrees with Clint. You need time to acclimate without the press getting wind of your presence."

Steve couldn't help but smile at the thought of going away with Natasha and James. "As long as we're together, I'm game."

Natasha bit her bottom lip. "It would probably be best if you stay at Sam's all night tonight. We haven't managed a whole night apart. The first night was on me, but I just-" She took in a deep breath. "We got lucky last night. James is small. He didn't ask any questions, but I don't want him to get used to the idea of us staying in the same place, the same bed."

"Until you're sure you want me in your bed, you mean."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "It's not a matter of want. I think we both know I'll always want you, but, Steve, if it was real, would I have gotten over you? You need to be asking yourself that question as much as I do."

Steve stood up and walked to Natasha. He took her hand and pulled her gently from the chair and into a hug. She didn't resist. "I don't need to ask myself anything. I've got your number, Romanoff," he said, teasing her with a moniker he hadn't used since their S.H.I.E.L.D. days. "You love me. You never stopped. You really wanted to get over me, but you didn't."

She looked up into his eyes. He saw a glimmer of hope he was sure hadn't been there in their previous conversations. "How can you be so sure?"

"You still wear my clothes. You can't stay away from me anymore than I can stay away from you. You're willing to go away with me. You didn't do that with Bruce. We're real, Nat. This is right. You do your thinking. I'll wait until you figure it out." He kissed her cheek. "I'm going to Sam's. I'll stay away tonight."

"James and I will pick you up in the morning. We can drive up to the compound and take a quinjet." She put her arms around Steve's neck. "I hope you're right about me, but don't get your hopes up, okay? I really do need to think things through."

* * *

Natasha tossed and turned in her bed. Twice, she almost threw on her clothes and went to Sam's, but she knew what would happen if she showed up in Steve's bed tonight. Her resolve was waning, but she couldn't let it. Wanting him wasn't the same as loving him, was it? She felt like she used to feel when they were working together. Unworthy. God, she hadn't felt unworthy since she came back to life, yet it was the only word that worked.

She was in another man's arms just days ago. The why didn't matter. She hadn't trust Steve's love for her. If she had, she would have spent the last five years trying to figure out what the hell happened instead of believing he left her for Peggy. She didn't deserve him now.

If only he were someone else, anyone else, but this was Steve. He was everything good and noble she wanted to be, everything she wanted their son to become, everything she thought she had become with her sacrifice, and she blew it when she gave in to her desire for another man.

It was ridiculous to feel this way. Natasha knew that much. Steve wasn't angry. She just thought he should be angry. She hated herself. She hated Hank Pym for being brilliant enough to create the particles but not brilliant enough to make them indestructible. She hated the infinity stones for needing to be returned. So close to having everything she ever wanted, and it was gone. How could she let herself fall back into Steve's arms and enjoy his love when she didn't hold on to her own feelings for him?

It was almost three when Natasha went downstairs to make a cup of tea. Her shoes and coat mocked her from their location by the door. It would be so easy to just go to him. She had just started steeping her tea when Alexi walked down the stairs. She held up a cup. "Need something to help you sleep?"

"Less tossing and turning and moving around the house from my sister would be helpful," he grumbled. "Why did you bother sending him away again? Have you learned nothing?"

Natasha rolled her eyes. "I'm picking him up in a few hours. He'll be with James right after breakfast."

"Yet, James isn't the one who can't sleep."

"It's been a busy few days. James is out cold."

"I'm glad you are going to the farm. I could use a few days of peace and quiet myself, but it isn't James I'm worried about. You got rid of the lawyer. Good for you, but you are still holding back. What's going on in your head, Natasha?"

Natasha sat back and looked at the ceiling. "He deserves someone who loves him the way he loved Peggy. I cost him that. I cost him too much. Alexi, three nights ago I was in Matt's bed. Now, I can't seem to sleep unless Steve is on the other pillow. This whole thing is messed up. You want to know what's going on in my head? What's really going on? Well, join the club. I want Steve. I want him so bad I can't stand it, but I obviously didn't love him enough or maybe I didn't love him at all. I shouldn't get what I want."

"So, what is you plan? Deny yourself because you think you deserve to lose? Doesn't that mean you are denying him what he wants, too? Does he know? Did you give him any say?"

"I told him I needed time. Hopefully, he'll figure out he deserves more, or maybe I'll get lucky. He'll wear down my defenses and make me forget I'm not enough for him, and I'll just jump him." She shook her head, trying to clear the sudden image of herself jumping into his arms from her mind. That's what got them into this mess in the first place. She seduced him on that spaceship. "I'm really messed up, aren't I?"

Alexi pulled a cup out of the cupboard and sighed. "At least, you know it. What's it going to take to get you to take a chance and go after your man?"

Natasha took a sip out of her cup. "I have no idea. For Steve and James's sake, let's hope I resist."

He let out a huff. "For everyone's sake, let's hope you don't."

Natasha figured Steve would want to fly, so she strapped James into his seat and took the co-pilot's chair. If she was lucky, James would talk to Steve the whole trip, and she could get in a little nap. It was a short flight with the quinjet, but the lack of sleep for the past few nights was wearing on her. Even a little nap had to be better than nothing.

Natasha watched as Steve went through the check list, explaining every knob and switch to James as he worked. For Steve, it hadn't been long since he'd piloted. She couldn't say the same. Nowadays, she usually flew commercial. This would be a nice treat for her son.

If Steve noticed she was quieter than usual, he didn't say anything. He was probably tired, too. Honestly, this had to be so much harder for him than it was for her. She never managed to get the nap. It was too soothing listening to Steve and James talk. She wondered if this would have been their normal if things had gone differently.

Would Steve have retired? Would she? Maybe James's normal childhood wouldn't have been quite so ordinary. She really had no idea what kind of choices she would have made if the rug hadn't been pulled out from under her, but giving James an average American childhood was something she was proud of, something she felt he deserved.

"Need a soda, Nat?" Steve asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

"Huh?"

Steve pointed to the cooler. "James is thirsty. I was going to get him a drink. Want one?"

"No. I'm good."

Steve nodded. "You look tired. Sleep okay?"

There really wasn't a reason to lie, but the way he asked made Natasha feel defensive. He was fishing to see if she had trouble sleeping because he wasn't beside her. She didn't want him to know that she did. "Like a baby," she said, and it was true. James was a very colicky baby who rarely slept more than a few hours at a time until he was pushing a year old. She had slept exactly like a colicky baby James.

Clint greeted them as they got out of the quinjet. James ran and jumped in his uncle's arms before Natasha and Steve could even grab their luggage. Natasha hugged her best friend as soon as James took off to find Maddie, but Steve stood back a bit.

Natasha understood his nerves. She knew Clint was nervous, too. Years of thinking the worst of Steve had Clint feeling guilty. When she let go of Clint, she motioned for Steve to join them. "In our line of work, things go wrong. You guys can talk about it like mature adults or just hug it out and move on."

Clint tentatively put out a hand. "I've never really wanted to be an adult, but I sure don't want to lose a friend over a misunderstanding."

Steve nodded and shook Clint's hand. "I get it. Your friend was in pain. I'm pretty sure I'd have felt the same way."

"Good to have you back, Cap. Let's get you guys settled." Clint grabbed one of the bags and started walking towards the loft stairs. "Finished the loft apartment."

"Already," Natasha said, "Cooper won't be finished with college until May. You're getting faster." She glanced back at Steve. "Cooper is studying agriculture. He's coming back to help Clint make the farm more productive. Lila is in college, too, but she's studying fashion."

"It's hard to believe they're grown," Steve said, "but I guess they should have been anyway. If it weren't for the snap, even Nathaniel would be an adult. It's crazy to think about how that one event changed everything."

"Crazy is Clint finishing a project on time. How'd you manage?" Natasha asked.

"Not having to take time off to recover from battle wounds does wonders for time management. Figured you and Steve can take the loft. James will want to bunk with Maddie."

"Steve can have the apartment. I'll just take my room in case James needs me."

Clint made a face. "You're room's my latest project, Tasha. I figured I had time. You and James don't usually come up between Christmas and Easter. It was supposed to be a surprise." Clint paused and smiled at Steve. "Until we got a bigger one. Laura and I sort of thought you and Steve might appreciate the privacy."

Natasha looked back at Steve. He was behind her on the stairs. He didn't look the least bit concerned with the sleeping arrangements, and they had shared a bed more times than she could count. This just seemed much more dangerous. Nobody in the next room and so many things unresolved between them would make this tricky, but she didn't see another option. "Guess we're roommates," she said, trying to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal.

Steve just smiled. "I think we'll manage."


	8. Chapter 8

**I apologize for the long delay. Crazy real world stuff drains my creativity. Finally finished Steve Rogers and the Great Big Cosmic Do Over, so this is top priority unless something else happens in 2020. I didn't inherit a fortune and purchase Marvel, so this is just for fun. No money changed hands. The muse just woke up from her slumber ready to write. **

Clint left them alone to settle in using some excuse about making sure the kids didn't torment the chickens, and Natasha found herself yawning. Steve shook his head and smiled.

"What was that for?" she asked.

"It's not every day I catch you in a lie. You're usually much better at bending the truth, Nat," Steve said, putting his hands on her shoulder and walking her towards the bed "You're tired. You obviously didn't sleep well last night."

"I slept-"

"Like a baby," Steve said. "Sure you did. It's flattering really. I'm glad you couldn't sleep. Maybe you should have just come to Sam's and crawled back in bed with me."

Natasha put her hands on her hips. "Are you accusing me of lying about sleep, Rogers? That's preposterous. Why would I do that?"

Steve gave her a gentle shove causing her to land on the bed. He grinned. "Because lying is easier than admitting you don't like sleeping without me. Lay down, Romanoff . You need a nap."

Natasha wanted to argue, but she really was exhausted. When Steve crawled into the bed beside her, all thoughts of how dangerous this sharing a bed thing was went out the window. When he pulled her into his arms and started smoothing her hair with his hands, it suddenly seemed like an inspired idea. She was tired. He'd helped her fall asleep after stressful missions several times. What was the harm in a little nap? Soon she drifted off to sleep lulled by his comforting touch and the familiar scent of Steve Rogers.

When Natasha woke up, Steve was no longer in the bed. He was sitting in the chair across the room scrolling through the phone Pepper had sent for him. "Find anything interesting?" she asked as she slowly sat up.

"Just trying to catch up on what I missed," he said, putting the phone down on the side table. "Looks like I missed quite a bit. The tributes to Tony were really special."

She frowned. For Steve, Tony's death was still fresh. "There were several for you, too. Graffiti art turned up in a lot of places. You're still highly regarded heroes."

Steve sighed. "We couldn't have brought them back if it weren't for your sacrifice or Bruce's willingness to take the risk. He didn't know for sure he'd live through that snap. A lot of good people made this possible. Seems wrong that we were the ones who got all the credit."

"I don't know. It's always seemed pretty right to me." She walked across the room and picked up his phone. It only took a minute to pull up her email account and find the image of the statue she and Pepper had designed for the anniversary celebration. "Pretty good likeness, don't you think?"

She watched Steve's face as he stared at the image. "I think I'd be a lot less prominent in the design if the world knew the truth. I didn't die a hero. I just screwed up my re-entry." When he looked back into her eyes, Natasha's heart melted. "I'm not sure that other reality was worth what returning the space stone cost."

"The space stone wasn't the real problem. Maybe returning the soul stone cost you more," she said, moving the phone to her pocket.

He reached out and clasped her hands in his own. "Don't say that. Returning the soul stone saved your life. It saved mine, too."

"Not sure losing another five years is exactly saving your life. You almost got everything back that you'd lost," she said, but she didn't bother removing her hands from his own. "I think I messed things up."

"We're not having this conversation again, Nat. I do not regret one minute of our time on the ship. I got everything back that mattered the minute I returned that soul stone," he said. "Stop worrying about what you think you cost me, or you're going to end up costing me what I really want, Nat. I don't care what happened in the years I was gone, because I know something you don't." Steve paused and pulled her into his lap. She didn't pull away. "You did not get over me, no matter how much you think you did. Stop punishing both of us for the past."

She wasn't sure what came over her when Steve spoke, but her resolve broke completely. Whether he was going to say anything else or not, she would never know, because her lips found his. It was completely perfect feeling his lips move against her own. They moved in sync, just like they always did in the field, but neither moved to deepen the kiss.

Neither pulled away until they heard the sound of children clomping up the stairs. Natasha's eyes opened and she stood up just before James and Maddie came running into the room. "Aunt Laura said to see if you were ready for dinner," James said, grabbing her hand. "Come on, Mommy. It's pasghetti. Daddy, you want some pasghetti?"

Recovering quickly, Natasha smiled at her son. "With meatballs?" James and Maddie nodded and giggled. "I love spaghetti with meatballs. You guys run a long back to Aunt Laura and tell her we're on our way."

"Okay, Mommy. Hurry. I'm hungry," James said before following Maddie out the door.

Steve looked a little disheveled. Thankfully, the kids didn't seem to notice. Natasha didn't need a mirror to guess she looked the same. She casually ran her fingers through Steve's hair putting it back into place before smoothing her own. "We should probably join them before the kids eat all the meatballs. Table this conversation until tonight?"

Steve nodded. "As long as you promise tonight's conversation will involve more kissing, I'm all in."

She knelt down and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "More kissing, yes. Anything else? I think we better discuss that first. I don't want us to get in over our heads. Maybe I still feel the same, and that's maybe, not a definitive answer. But, I'm not the same person. James changed everything. I couldn't be who I was and his mother, too. I'll never be the same woman who followed you into battle or exile or whatever dangerous situation came up again. When I came back from Vormir, I let go of the red on my ledger. I had to accept what I'd done and hope I'd done enough to balance it a little. If you end up really choosing me, you'll be with someone who is a lot closer to Pepper or Laura than the Black Widow."

"You think you've changed that much?" Steve. "Because from where I'm standing, you're still the same. You just finally healed. I wanted that for you. You're still you. You'll always do what your gut tells you is the right thing. It's just now, your gut says protect James, and I'm all for it. I wanted you out of that compound, remember? When the rest of us left, you stayed, because your gut told you you'd be needed. Do you really think I'm going to argue now that your gut says stay away for our son's sake? From where I'm sitting, retirement looks really good on you. I think it will work for me, too. I'm done, Nat. I have no idea what I'm going to do now, but the Avengers don't need me the way James does. I want what you've built, and I want it with you."

* * *

They didn't take things any further than a kiss that night or for the rest of the week, but Steve knew Natasha wasn't even attempting to push him away anymore. The kept their new relationship to themselves. Days were spent with James, Clint, and his family. Steve was even enlisted on the remodel of Natasha's room. He didn't say a word when he realized just how recently the project had been started, even if it was pretty obvious Clint started it after extending the invitation for them to visit.

Steve didn't have to say much. Clint made his feelings on the subject very clear while they were knocking out the old tile in the en suite bathroom. "After Ultron decided humanity needed to go and I brought you guys here the first time, Laura had to tell me about Tasha and Bruce. I didn't see it. I figured it would be you."

Steve nodded as he scooped up an armload of the broken tiles and threw it away. "Me too, if you want the truth. If S.H.I.E.L.D. hadn't been compromised, who knows what would have happened? Guess I should blame Hydra for that lost time, too. Nat fell for Bruce while I was looking for Bucky. I figured it was just a crush on my part. I hated Bruce for leaving her, but we both moved on. I didn't know I was in love with her until Vormir."

Clint swung the sledge hammer again and handed it to Steve so he could take over. "I assumed you'd been sleeping together for years when she brought me back for the time heist. Didn't say anything though. Wasn't my business and I wasn't in the best place. Who was I to judge? When she came back from Russia with a baby bump, I knew it had to be yours. She didn't say it. I told Laura. That time, she was the one surprised."

"And, you were the one angry. You had every right to hate me, Clint. I'm not mad. We're good." Steve took a swing at the tile, and Clint started picking up the tiles.

"She didn't have any real feelings for that lawyer, you know. Laura and I knew he was just a place saver, but you better move fast, Cap. Don't let this guy cost you another decade."

Steve smiled. He couldn't tell Clint anything, but he appreciated having him on his side. "Nothing is going to stop me from going after what I want now that I know she feels the same, and she does feel it, Clint. I'm in it for the long haul."

"Good, because if you hurt her again, you're facing the tip of my arrow."

"Thought nothing would make you go back to that life," Steve said as he took another swing at the wall.

"I'd make an exception for Tasha," Clint said. "You're getting pretty good at demolition. We might make a carpenter out of you yet."

"Might have to," Steve said. "I'm going to have to find a new way to make a living. I'm not picking up that shield again. I've got to figure out a new career path."

"You'll figure it out. I'm sure lots of people would be interested in hiring the great Captain America. Retirement, well, it's actually not so bad, especially when you've got a family at home. Woo her, Cap. She needs you as much as you need her."

Natasha did some work for Pepper each morning. She'd lock herself away with her laptop and two mobile phones after breakfast, and Steve would politely make himself scarce until she was finished. He'd been serious when he said he wanted to give up the shield and build a normal life, but those were the moments when he worried most about what that new life might look like.

He felt a little too raw from his own five year time lapse to go back to counseling others, and the only real job he'd had outside of that was soldier. There just wasn't much he was qualified for in the private sector. Natasha had found her niche in security, but he couldn't imagine doing something like that without being on the front lines. Maybe he needed to develop some new skills. Honestly, working with his hands like Clint sounded pretty good. Maybe he needed to look into building things for a living. That could be rewarding after all the collateral damage he'd caused in battle.

When Natasha finished her work and joined him down in the barn below the loft, Steve was setting of the steps. He tried to put his concerns about the future aside to focus on her. She'd be leaving the next morning. Even though it was the plan from the beginning that she would go back to the city for a few days, Steve dreaded it.

"I figured you'd be in the house with the others," she said, as she sat beside him on the bottom step.

"Clint went for supplies. I can't exactly be seen in a hardware store. The kids made a blanket fort in the living room and fell asleep. I didn't want to interrupt sleeping children, and Laura's ordering farm supplies for spring planting. Didn't figure I needed to interrupt that either," he said.

"So, you're sitting here bored out of your mind. You should have came upstairs."

Steve shook his head. "No reason to get on Pepper's bad side for distracting you from your work. When are you leaving tomorrow?"

"After breakfast," she said, taking his hand. "If it weren't such a big deal for the company, I'd stay with you and James. This has been nice. He's always happy at the farm. Plus, well, having some family time's been good for him. He loves you, you know."

"I love him, too. He reminds me of you."

Natasha put her arms around Steve's neck. "I think he has a lot of you in him. If we're lucky, he'll have the best of both of us." She kissed his cheek. "Maybe we should take a nap since the kids are napping."

"I've never been good at sleeping during the day."

"We don't have to sleep," she said, raising an eyebrow.

Steve got the message. "Kissing could be nice. I do like kissing you."

Natasha stood and took his hand to lead him up the stairs. "Maybe we could even do more than just kiss."

Steve swallowed. "You think you're ready? I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for. It can wait, Nat."

"I'm leaving in the morning, and all I can think about is how much I'm going to miss you-how much I have missed you for the last five years. I want this, Steve."

Steve didn't need to be told twice. As they reached the top of the stairs, he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bed. He wanted this, too. He wanted Natasha more than anything.

* * *

Yelena quickly pulled the door of her Moscow hotel room closed behind her, locking both locks as quickly as she could in her weakened state. She went straight to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. The gash on her cheek was mostly superficial. No need for stitches this time. As she slowly pealed off her cat suit, she winced. There were definitely a few broken ribs, but she could manage.

If only she'd managed to take out all of her assailants. Two were dead. A third was injured, but the fourth managed to whisk him away before she could finish the job. They were American. She recognized the accents immediately, and they knew way too much. She was in over her head.

As soon as she was finished cleaning her wounds, she slumped down into the bathroom floor and sighed. She needed help. It occurred to her that it might already be too late, but she had to try and do damage control. Too much was at stake.

She picked up her phone and dialed. "We've been compromised. They know about the serum. I need you on the next flight. Go commercial. There's no reason to bring in the Avengers. This is a family matter. We should handle this ourselves."


End file.
